I will try to keep this as brief as possible but I am in desperate need of advice! In 2016, my friend J told me had feelings for me and wanted to date me. We had been platonic friends for 2 years and I was ecstatic at the thought of pursuing a relationship with him - he was honestly one of my favourite people. After I told him I wanted to date him as well, he started to avoid me and would barely respond to my texts but everytime we would hang out he would try to have sex with me (but I refused to go all the way). After a few months of this I asked him why he was being so weird and he eventually told me he was seeing someone else at the same time and that he was really insecure because he felt that i wouldn't take him seriously as a romantic prospect. At first I thought this was a dumb excuse but I genuinely believe that is how he felt (based on him constantly making self deprecating comments about himself to me in the years that have followed). This was genuinely my first adult heartbreak. When I was in high school I was in an emotionally abusive relationships and hadn't let a boy touch me until him (when I was 22). I genuinely wanted to lose my virginity to him and i was truly devastated that it hadn't worked out. I didn't handle the heartbreak the best and sent him paragraphs explaining how he hurt and how he could ever do that to me. He apologized for it but the pain was honestly a lot for me to handle. I felt like I wasn't good enough and I felt so betrayed and hurt.
In the five years since this happened, we have tried to remain friends but I feel this overwhelming tension between us because I feel like I am constantly trying to prove to him that I am good enough, and trying to show him how wonderful I am and how smart and kind and pretty, etc etc. I get frustrated that I am able to have the most amazing relationships with other people and he never gave me the chance to have an amazing relationship with him. I feel anxious when we hang out because of this and I know this kind of thought isn't healthy. I guess I am trying to show him what he missed out on, or I want to show him how wonderful of a partner I could make to show him he made the wrong decision in not giving us a proper chance together. We have had sex a few times in the last few years but I don't find it fulfilling at all and it feels pretty impersonal/awkward - kinda like neither of us wants to admit its more than it is. On top of this when we do hang out, he always makes comments about how much better I am than him and that I shouldn't be sleeping with people below my social class (his words, not mine). To be honest, I don't feel this way because I want us to end up together, I guess I just feel like I have this unresolved tension with him because I don't think he realizes how deeply I am hurt by what he did. I don't want to feel this way anymore, I want to go low to no contact with him, because I don't feel like our relationship/friendship is healthy anymore (and it hasn't been for years) but I am not sure how to tell him I don't want to be his friend anymore out of the blue. I am currently in a very happy and healthy relationship but he is sometimes in the back of my mind because of this. Need advice on how to let go of him once and for all as I want to move forward with my life. Thanks!
TL;DR: need advice moving on from a failed relationship with my friend
Submitted November 01, 2021 at 06:29PM by Significant_Kale1 https://ift.tt/3ECEF7E
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