Hello Reddit,
Girlfriend (F30) and I (M33) are both writing this together to get opinions on how we should proceed regarding an issue we are currently facing.
Background info:
I came from a religious family that did not drink alcohol, and didn't for the majority of my life. About 5 years ago I left that religion, and have slowly been reevaluating many of my beliefs and opinions on many topics, including alcohol.
I feel like I have a fairly healthy view of it now: it isn't inherently bad when used in moderation. People can do what they want, and frankly I don't care if people get black out drunk as long as they aren't hurting anyone.
Girlfriend came from a broken home with a father that abused alcohol, and in turn, his family. This has caused her to be strictly against alcohol. I feel like she is completely justified in having these feelings. She has a right to choose who and what kinds of things she has in her life.
My current stance:
That said, for me, I don't really feel the need to do that. For me, one or two drinks with friends a few times a month is the most I really would want to do. Not even enough to get drunk, just something fun to do with friends occasionally.
Another thing that is important for me here is the idea of agency. After leaving that particular religion, I have a strong sense of wanting to feel like I have the freedom to make my own choices. Being told that something is not allowed, when it is not causing harm to anyone, doesn't feel like something I want.
The problem:
Drinking alcohol really wasn't a huge part of my life even after I became nonreligious. At most, I would drink a glass or two with friends about once every few months.
Girlfriend and I met on a dating site. On my profile, I had "Doesn't drink" listed as something about me. I understand how this could be misleading, but in my defense, I was very open with her about my thoughts on alcohol very soon, and told her that I had, up until this point, had alcohol every so often.
After expressing to me, however, that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who drinks alcohol, I made the decision to just stop drinking completely, since it was an infrequent occurrence anyways.
Fast forward one year.
Recently, I've been thinking about some things in my life, and have realized that I don't like the idea of not having the option of drinking with friends occasionally. I fully understand her hesitancy on the issue, and don't want to downplay her concerns, but I also feel like I am probably one of the most responsible people I know when it comes to alcohol. I have zero intentions of getting drunk, or even bringing alcohol home. I'd just like to be able to drink with friends occasionally.
I brought this up with her, and she is not okay with the idea. She says she specifically looked at that part of someone's profile before responding, and that she wouldn't have even responded to me to begin with if I had said that I drank alcohol. because it's THAT important to me. hi, girlfriend here :)
We don't want to break up over this, and would really like to find some kind of solution or way of thinking about this to get us over this issue. Any advice is appreciated! Thanks!
tl;dr - I have changed my stance on alcohol from 0 alcohol, to a little bit occasionally, and told gf of my intentions. Gf doesn't like the idea, but also has good reasons not to want it in her life. Help us figure this out?
Submitted November 21, 2021 at 07:08PM by nvincent https://ift.tt/30NKvnL
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