Everytime I (26f) trust my mother (60f) with anything, she finds a way to mess it up and it’s destroying our relationship. Help!

I am 26 and currently living with my parents to save money after living abroad. I have ADHD and suffer from anxiety pretty badly especially in stressful situations. I’ve found that the best way for me to manage these things is to have everything planned out and stay organized.

Yesterday, I completely lost it at my mom. Some backstory: I adopted a 5 month old kitten a few months ago and one of the deciding factors was that my mom said she’d help me look after her. She is retired and I work full time.

I had to have her spayed yesterday. I was extremely anxious about the whole thing already and really really nervous. I took the cat in the morning and asked my mom to pick her up after the procedure, which she was totally ok doing (I just started a new job and didn’t want to ask for time off too soon). It’s a work from home job but I’m pretty much tied to the computer.

I called her a few minutes after she picked up the cat to see how it went. She says “I think I have the wrong cat” and I told her to immediately go back to the clinic and verify because time is of the essence since all the other spays were getting picked up at the same time. But she refused and just said “I’ll figure it out” and hung up and wouldn’t answer my calls.

I freaked out! I did not know what to do because the situation was so far out of my control involving my baby. I called the vet and probably scared the receptionist half to death trying to explain that my mother thought she got the wrong cat. Meanwhile, I was on the clock at work, unable to actually do my work because I had to try to sort this out.

Finally she got home and we let the cat out (it was the right one), she was jumping all around and I was trying to just get her to calm down while my mom just watched and did nothing to help.

I felt so Ill equipped to deal with the situation because my cat was doing everything she wasn’t supposed to do (being crazy, she ripped off her ecollar, jumping, licking). And my mother was doing NOTHING to help. I literally had a panic attack over it and was too paralyzed to think clearly. I thought I was going to pass out. And all my mom wanted to do was watch tv and not help.

Eventually, my cats wound opened and I had to rush her to the vet at 1am, knowing I had to work today. When I was trying to get her in the carrier, my mom just walked out of the room to go to the bathroom before we left while I was struggling.

There was another incident about a month ago involving one of my work vans. My boss was kind enough to let me use one to take my mom on a road trip if I promised not to have an accident. I let her behind the wheel ONE time and within 10 minutes, she sideswiped a pole, causing 3000 dollars in damage. Thankfully, she paid for it but it also meant I had to disappoint my boss.

I hadn’t had time to eat at all yesterday, I was sleep deprived, and I eventually just screamed at my mother. I felt like my head was literally going to explode. I was so stressed out and while I know it’s my own job to regulate my emotions, it would be nice to not feel like I have to coordinate everything by myself.

I feel horrible for losing my temper. That’s not how children should treat their parents. She just made a stressful situation 10x worse for me.

I know I should be grateful for the “help” but it makes me feel like I should have done it all by myself so I wouldn’t have to worry about her making a mistake like getting the wrong cat.

I don’t even know how to nicely talk to her about this. I just want to say “can you please just try to use your brain” but that would not be helpful. She is stubborn and doesn’t see the point in having hobbies to exercise her mind. Sometimes I wonder if she is getting senile but she is too stubborn to do anything about it.

I’m not sure living with my parents is a good idea anymore. Financially, I could pay off all my student loan debt within a year if I live with them but I can’t deal with this sort of thing mentally. I feel like I cannot trust her to do anything without supervision and staying in debt for years seems like a better option for my mental health.

I am in therapy right now and had to miss my appointment today due to the fiasco. I am spiraling.

Tl;dr: how can I avoid destroying my relationship with my mom? I don’t handle stress well and she causes stress for me.

Submitted November 02, 2021 at 07:55PM by Sassycamel404 https://ift.tt/2ZNCYVE