Am I (28f) selfish for asking my husband (28m) to table marriage complaints until after my skin cancer surgery?

tl;dr my husband sees my cancer as “competition.”

To start, he’d never agree with this assessment, but people close to him have seen this, as well.

I (28f) was diagnosed with skin cancer in the last few months. It was unexpected by everyone, my doctors having no idea that’s what the results would be. I am currently waiting for my surgery date, knowing they will be taking 4 in x 6 in of tissue from my body. This has been stressful in and of itself, obviously, and I’ve been doing my best to stay relaxed, trying to heal from the inside and all that…

My husband (28m) was understandably upset and worried, until we learned that the cancer hadn’t spread elsewhere. Since then, it’s been unimportant and seen as a “complaint.” He has been having a hard time with work, so he’s started seeing a therapist, and I’m grateful he has someone trained to listen…

This also means he is trying to change so much in our marriage, waking me in the middle of the night to vent about me and how unhappy he is. He’s started picking fights over inconsequential things, and making the most drama from them. I’ve asked him multiple times if we could table the constant complaints about me until after my surgery, so I can be under less stress (I work two jobs from home and am home with our toddler all day, in addition to the cancer and other chronic pain). These requests have been ignored so we’ve had the fights, making me feel sicker.

Whenever he gets the chance, he throws the cancer in my face, saying I’m choosing it over our marriage because I want to focus on less stress rather than “listening to [his] opinions on us.” He tells me I’m selfish and self-absorbed because I’m focused on my surgery. And I need help. I need to know if this is selfish of me. I need to know if I’m being a bad wife by asking for a little time so I don’t have to care about the trivial things and can focus on my health. I don’t know what to do anymore except cry and stress.

Submitted November 07, 2021 at 09:34PM by itsinthethrowaway https://ift.tt/3kcOD7F