My girlfriend has taken our sex life too far twice now and I no longer feel safe intimately with her

So this is somewhat graphic, sorry. We are both 19 and female. Last night we decided to take things further than usual and we were working up to anal she’s with a strap on and before I was ready she went all the way in out of surprise and the pain I felt was so intensely excruciating I thought she stabbed me with something and I screamed and just couldn’t even believe the pain I felt from what she did to me. I couldn’t stand up whatsoever and I just cried. I have no way to explain how remarkably painful this was.

So after that she knew she hurt me and she was trying to calm me down and kept apologizing. All night she apologized and I know she felt bad but in the past we messed up safe words and she hurt me. Both times were communication problems and we’re in counseling to sort everything out but I just don’t feel comfortable with her close to me even in bed and no way at all with my clothes off. She has ruined the intimate part of our relationship for now and I don’t know how to fix it. She has told me many times how sorry she is and she wants to make it right and she asks me how she can but I don’t know what to say. How can we fix our relationship now when I feel weird around her?

Tl;dr: I am female (19) and my girlfriend betrayed my sexual trust and I no longer feel safe with her intimately.

Submitted June 20, 2021 at 05:43PM by Otherwise_Tie_5083 https://ift.tt/35GerBF