Me[29F] with my BF[33M], banned me from playing games and demands I be more productive. I'm not sure what to do because nothing is 'fixing' anything

TL:DR at bottom.

So, when I first got with my BF I was 27, only had my license and a car for a few months after getting out of a bad marriage that just made it impossible - that's another story not for this post. At the time I was thrifting for items to sell on eBay as a 'job' because due to my age and lack of experience I had a really hard time getting a job to begin with.

During this time, he also had a job and lost it about 4 months after we started dating. Apparently he had enough savings to kind of retire for a period. I'm not sure if this is permanent for him or not. So pretty much the duration of our 2+ year relationship, he hasn't worked. But states, he worked his ass off to get to where he is.

Now, shortly after us getting together I got a job at a big box retail store and loved it. Worked there about 6 months and went to a housekeeping company making the same amount with less hours. Enjoyed that a lot until COVID hit and was let go. From there I did eBay ventures until I got a job at a crappy call center, and stayed there a few months looking for a better job and I've held that better job for almost a year now. I work for a call center where I completely make my own hours, so I like doing the nightshift because I can work a 12 hour shift and maybe take 4-10 calls a night. During this time, I play video games on my computer with my friends. It's nice, stress free. I enjoy it a lot and I can make great money doing it.

This has never been an issue until a few weeks ago.

Now to preface all of this, about 2 months ago I made him incredibly mad at me because he and sibling and mom got stuck in the rain on a vacation. He asked me to come and get them. I was actually working at the time, asked if I could take care of a family emergency and they let me leave early. He last told me he was at Place X and when he called me I told him I could get him there. He said he'd send the location and I said I know where Place X is. He did send the location but I didn't look at it because I knew where I thought he was, but really he was a block down the road - this was never told to me and if it was, I was in the middle of a busy day at work and misheard. I also had to drive his truck for the first time...I've only drove compact cars before, never a huge truck with no insurance. I was nervous. He felt like he couldn't depend on me for things.

Now a few weeks ago, we were in our hometown working on an apartment we're fixing up to live in. It's an odd living situation but again, this isn't for this post. I had some days where I felt I couldn't help him much. I'm small, so cutting wood and framing rooms and other things are not something I'm good with. So during that time, I stayed in the office we were sleeping in and just on my computer either playing a game, watching a movie or talking with my family as my very close family member was on his deathbed or had passed away depending on the time. I was stressed, and coping the way I am familiar with...gaming.

Now that we're back home to the actual house we live at, he gave me this stupid ultimatum. No more games, learn a new skill, hustle for money, don't watch trash only things you can learn from. I had a rough day one day and was thinking about the family member who passed away and decided that I was going to play a game for a bit. To...I guess make it to where I was being productive, I had a educational video up as well. He caught me and we almost broke up that night when we had a big argument about it.

Honestly...I don't know what to do at this point. Today I spent all day either working on a book I'm writing, watching YouTube that was only stuff I'd learn something from, or actually doing projects to keep me busy...He still wasn't happy.

If I try to get him to explain what I need to do, I just get a 'We've talked about this enough you should know.' But I don't!

I pay all my the bills. (Yes, all but half the rent at our place in our hometown, we don't pay anything at the home with live in because it was given to him by his parents.) I pay both internet bills, both electric bills, half the rent at our hometown place and all my usual bills. I make enough money to at least put some in savings every month now.

This past week I was diagnosed with 'severe depression' and you know what my coping mechanism is? Gaming with the only people I call friends, some are closer than that, I call some family. His response to that is that they will still be my friends if I don't play games with them...which, true but that's beside the point. I plainly just want to turn my brain off sometimes and mindlessly play a video game.

Now. This is not some addiction problem. I only really play games during my work shift because...I'm glued to my computer at that point. I have to be there if I get a call. This has been 2 weeks now that I technically haven't been allowed to play games - with the exception that I was allowed to do so when I had some stuff to do with my streaming organization. I'm not even allowed to stream and I'm partnered on Twitch as well...So I'm losing money now that I built a $2500 computer just to be able to stream on.

Since I was caught playing a game that day that I was having it rough, he's been withholding affection and honestly...I don't even know what to do. The person I love is right there in front of me, but they're...like a shadow of the person I love. Sometimes he jokes and laughs with me like nothing is wrong, then the next moment he is just...monotoned and unaffectionate. I honestly think he might be bi-polar or something.

Any suggestions to save this?

TL:DR - BF is unhappy that I play video games a lot. I work nightshift at a call center and don't get many calls and it doesn't take away from my work at all. He wants me to be more productive and 'hustle' more. He's withholding affection and I'm honestly depressed and just miss the way he used to be.

Submitted June 24, 2021 at 03:53AM by Wumbo-Mini https://ift.tt/3xPXbps