I (22F) feel terribly guilty when my boyfriend (22M) pays for my things. We have only been dating for a few months, but things are going great! We started off as friends and we’ve known each other for years, so it’s a very loving and kind relationship. However, I prefer to pay for things like meals when we go out or if we go thrifting. My previous relationships have consisted of me constantly being the one to pay for things because my partners “never” had money to spend and they were very toxic and codependent relationships. His previous relationships have also been that way, and his last partner was very abusive and manipulative, to the point where his finances were skewed. Because I saw all of this first hand, I feel so guilty letting him pay for anything. Recently, we went thrifting and my card was declined as I had an issue with my bank account. Without hesitation, my boyfriend pulled out his own card and paid for my items. Immediately I was filled with embarrassment and guilt and kept apologizing to him, to which he said it’s not a problem but I couldn’t stop feeling awful. Later on, we went to a bookstore and while he was off looking for his own books, I went to the manga section and found a series I’ve been meaning to read but I put it back as I didn’t have money. My parents started to call me so I went outside to talk to them (I didn’t want to be rude to other customers in the store) and by the time I was done, my boyfriend had come out with his items and surprised me with the manga I had been looking at. In total, he spent $36 from both thrifting and the manga; while I know this isn’t a huge amount I can’t shake the feeling of guilt from me. It’s been days and I’m still feeling bad. He says that’s it’s no problem at all and makes the point that I’ve paid for everything so far and he’s glad to do it. How do I stop feeling so guilty?
TL;DR; : How can I recover from my previous codependent relationships and how can I stop feeling so awful for my partner wanting to be complete equals monetary wise?.
Submitted June 03, 2021 at 06:53AM by Strange-Reception-34 https://ift.tt/3ppkSC7
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