The world broke my MIL and she took it out on me. I'd like to say something helpful on my way out the door. (Compassionate responses only please)

If this isn't the best sub for the question please let me know... I couldn't think of a better place to ask this tricky question.My MIL (65ish) is used to not being listened to. She gets treated like a Karen before she even says hello, her parents were abusive alcoholics, her husband cheated her whole life, and she almost died giving birth because noone ever takes her seriously. She has had extreme pain for 40+ years that her doctors do not provide diagnosis or treatment for, so she tried an extremely restrictive Dr. Oz diet hoping to feel better.A week later I woke up to her in my garden yelling about my failure to maintain the garden she loved (my spouse (40f) and I (41f) rent from her- she raisemld my spouse here and then moved to a new house and rented this one to us, and yes I did neglect the garden).I responded defensively by yelling "Stop yelling at me!" This was obviously not an effective de-escalation, especially considering that her brain was in starvation mode on top of a lifetime of abuse. She responded with deeply hurtful personal attacks and credible threats. She was a monster. She was hurtful and cruel and frightening accurate in hitting my weaknesses- she knows how to ruin my life and that angry part of her really wants to do it. But she was also deeply unwell and in crisis, and has helped me and forgiven me my flaws over the years.I've set in motion a plan to gently and carefully remove myself from harm, as her threats were too serious to take lightly. My spouse is staying behind (spouse is deeply entrenched in protecting her mother- we've spoken openly and lovingly about the issue and agreed to respect each other's choice).I'd like to encourage MIL to get help and validate her hurt without endangering myself or invalidating the harm she did.Does anyone have any advice about what to say? She's asked if we can talk and gestured good will, but has not taken responsibility. I know excellent therapists and doctors who will actually listen to her but she's got a wall up after a lifetime of mistreatment. I want to tell her I love her and I see her pain, I'm sorry I got defensive instead of offering her a sandwich and a hug. I want her to know how deeply she hurt me. And I also hate her a little after this, but I'd like to not say that but instead say she needs to face how cruel she acted. Mostly I want her to go to a good doctor so my spouse doesn't have to prop her up for the rest of her fucking life. Also fuck misogyny for doing this to them!Do not call MIL a narcissist. Narcissists are delusional and selfish, she is not that. She is an ordinary woman responding to a lifetime of mistreatment by lashing out. I only want to know: is there a way to communicate to her? It's eggshell territory. via /r/TrollRelationships https://ift.tt/31clUps