My (28m) boyfriend lost a long term ex to cancer 2 weeks ago. The way he’s grieving is making me (22f) feel insecure.

To give some context, my boyfriend was with his ex for years. They lived together and had an on and off relationship towards the end when he says they both realized that it was hard to separate for good because they loved one another as friends but couldn’t make it work romantically. When he spoke of this relationship before the death it sounded like he was glad to be out of it and happy to be with me.

After the death I only found out more about them as lovers. I found out that she was keeping tabs on him when we first started talking. On Instagram, after him and I followed the one another she messaged him asking who I was. He replied angrily “oh that’s my new parole officer... no wait that’s you.” He gave me a few stories like this where he said he was a terrible person to her. And he kinda was. He has never been that way to me. Still I could imagine the guilt doesn’t feel good at all.

The more I find out the more I feel insecure about things like how he keeps calling her his best friend and the fact that after she died he got back on Instagram after not being on for a while just to change his profile picture to one of them and post a montage of pictures of her with a heartfelt caption about how sad he is that she’s gone. And what a great person she was and how much he loved her. He kept telling me things like “I was he closest one to her” and I believe it.

When she began to feel ill she called my boyfriend to take her to the hospital. One week later she passed. I can’t imagine it’s easy for my boyfriend but it’s also really hard for me. Not a single lover I’ve had has ever posted me on Instagram. I’ve only been with him for 7 months but I want to be his best friend. I keep feeling like her dying just dug up all his old feelings but underneath that dirt and pile of emotion lies me, forgotten, but still alive.

That’s more so just my inner insecurities speaking, however. I’m trying my best to keep love for myself and realize I’m worthy of the best love I can have in my life. I want to create that for myself. I just need help too, I need to know if I’m overreacting or under reacting. There’s no handbook on being the girlfriend of someone who’s former girlfriend just died. Any input is appreciated.

TL;DR My boyfriend lost an ex he was with for years, he’s taking it really hard and I feel insecure about how he speaks of her and posts her on Instagram.

Submitted May 24, 2020 at 12:46PM by apricotfairy https://ift.tt/3d1eutQ