UPDATE: I (27F) have been single for 3 years... my son's father (30M) suddenly wants to see if we can work things out.

[Original Post]

It wasn't that popular of a post but I still want to post an update. TLDR at bottom.

So I had purposefully left out a lot of details in the original post because I knew that it would make my ex seem absolutely terrible and I'm used to rug sweeping everything he does.

He had said he'd call to "hang out" before I posted, but he got mad that I went to this foodie festival without inviting him on a night I knew he was working so he basically ignored me for a week and then came back to be like wHEn aRe WE HanGinG OuT?? Around that point is when I had posted the OP because I had already shut down the possibility since I didn't know why he was ignoring me, so I interpreted it as him not being interested.

Then Thanksgiving he came over to drop off our son, but also brought his brothers, which honestly was great because I made way too much food. He wanted to "talk" afterwards so my parents watched our son and we went to a bar, where he bought me 2 (but the bartender poured double) shots of tequila and a drink. Completely stupid but I was able to voice things without so much anxiety.

Like how for years he's been pushing me to have sex with him and he won't take no for an answer. Then I had learned to be scared of him when he's angry, which he would always become angry after I keep rejecting him. So it was easier to just shut my mind off and have sex to get it over with. I had told him repeatedly that I didn't want to have sex because it fucked with my head and he would always say that he wouldn't do it again, but he would.

I know it's my fault and that I should have just kept saying no and not cared if he got mad, but it is what it is.

But I told him that, and that if we were ever going to work out, that he can't be pushing me for sex every time I see him. It makes me not want to be alone with him and actively avoid being alone with him. And that even though I used to love being touched, now I really don't like it and it freaks me out.

(I didn't mention this but I also stop talking to guys once I even feel like they might pressure me into sex, because I state my boundaries beforehand, and then they'll do something like push against me while kissing. And then I freak out thinking they're going to force me to have sex with them)

He told me he didn't like how I was describing it because it sounds rapey, and he genuinely thought that when we would start having sex that I'd start enjoying it.

TL;DR basically, he's backing off. Supposedly. I don't know though, he says he would before. A lot of other things were said but I was a bit inebriated and I can't remember exactly how things were mentioned.

My next therapy appointment is next week so yay.

ETA: okay so I didn't mention the 22 year old because he wasn't involved with that conversation with my ex. And it turns out he isn't 22. He told me 21, then I found out his birthday and rounded it to 22 (his birthday is this week.) Turns out HE was rounding up too, so now he is almost 21.

The age difference bothers me because 2 of my ex's that I dated at 21/22 were super manipulative and years later, they are still both dating 21/22 year olds. So I didn't know if something is wrong with me that I like him so much.

BUT ANYWAYS... I was being distant towards him during the time I posted the OP, but he kept being nice to me. And he remembers that I need fresh air when I have my anxiety attacks so he gives me space and opens the closest windows to me. He leaves me chocolate kisses for me to find. I usually find them after they've melted, but it's the thought that counts.

He sends me dumb jokes and memes so I like that a lot. And like I know he likes physical touch or whatever but he's okay when I can't hold his hand/be touched for more than a few seconds/minutes at a time. And I'm the one who initiates the touch, he never forces me to be affectionate.

He also helped me cook for friendsgiving because I had a Turkey to roast but then all of the sudden I had to do ham, so he came over and helped me.

Submitted December 03, 2019 at 11:24AM by offdrea https://ift.tt/2DGftzy