I (17/F) had a small crush on someone I saw leaving my class as I was entering, but I’ve recently learned that they are trans(FtM) and it’s changed how I feel.

I want to preface this by saying that I am not transphobic in anyway and that the fact I feel this way makes me feel guilty and upset with myself. I respect him(the person I will be talking about) with my whole heart and support him in any way.

Since the start of the school year, I had seen this person leaving my 6th period as I was entering(they have the class 5th period). I had developed a small crush, but I was never going to really do anything about it besides have a crush. I have little dating experience-besides some not really serious relationships in middle school-and I’m also not one to put myself out there, so I was content with the idea that there would be nothing between us besides seeing each other in passing.

A few days ago I learned that my friend actually knows the person quite well and he came to sit with us at lunch. Later in the day I was texting my friend about him, as I now saw I had more of a chance than when I only saw him in passing. I had assumed that he was a masculine girl-based on clothing, appearance, etc.- but my friend informed me that they are actually a trans guy who’s mother was forcing him to present as female.

This is the part that I really feel awful for. Now that I know that he’s trans, I’m not sure I feel the same way anymore. I’m bisexual, but I do lean more towards women, as I generally just feel more comfortable with them, so it isn’t really an issue of only being attracted to girls. I am not trans, but from what I understand with my limited knowledge, there is a lot of potential emotional trauma(I’m not sure this is the right word, but I’m unsure on how else to say it) that a trans person can experience, especially in his situation with his mother. I have a lot of my own issues-as everyone does-but to the point where I feel I couldn’t date a trans person solely because I would not be able to support them emotionally because I cannot support myself emotionally. I have no problem with the fact that he is trans(I’m happy he was able to find a label that fits him), but I don’t think I would be able to handle supporting someone else’s emotional trauma while also supporting my own. I’ve also thought that maybe it’s just a preference thing-as I wrongly assumed he was a masculine girl at first-and that is why I feel this way, but I still feel awful about it.

He doesn’t know about the crush-my friends are the only ones who knew-so it wouldn’t be a situation where I have to directly tell him I no longer like him, but it would still weigh heavy on my conscious. I want to be able to handle this situation properly and grow from it, if I can.

Am I a bad person for feeling this way? Please be honest I want to be able to handle this the right way and grow if I’m making mistakes. I also just want to reiterate that I am not transphobic and I feel awful for how I’m reacting to this situation. Any advice is welcome :)

TL;DR

I had a crush on someone I saw leaving my class, I assumed they were a masculine girl, but I’ve learned that he’s a trans man. My feelings have changed now that I’ve learned that(as I feel Im not emotionally stable enough to be a good partner for him and support him how he needs). Am I a bad person for feeling this way?

Submitted December 08, 2019 at 09:38AM by professional-baby https://ift.tt/2LBBML2