Due to recent events, my wife [25/F] and I [29 M] hate our brother-in-law [29 M] and cannot figure out what to do...

My sister in law and my wife are very close. We live within a mile of each other and both hang out every day. A couple months ago my SIL came to our house late at night bawling her eyes out speechless. Her husband behind her back had been sending DM's to girls he works with on Instagram. He deleted all the prior messages but she did see one come through that said "hey babe thinking of you". In another DM he even invited a girl from work over to sleep on the couch while the SIL was away traveling for work. Apparently she was having issues with her landlord and needed a place to stay. We don't believe a word this guy says. He's a chronic liar.

My sister in law caught him with the DMs. He never confessed to anything and swore to her nothing physical happened and the girl he invited over was simply a nice gesture. My SIL tells him to delete the app and he promises to see someone but never does and they just leave things alone and move on.

Fast forward to the day after Halloween (roughly two months later) and my SIL comes over to our house sobbing again. While he was showering she went into his deleted messages and saw a dick pic and a couple selfies. She confronted him and he went dead silent. Didn't say a word and she leaves.

She comes over to our house looks up the call records and this guy has been constantly texting and calling a local number. She pays money and finds the name to who it is. Goes back to his house and tells him she knows there's another person. He lies again and she says she knows her name. He tries to call her on her bluff and then she says the name.

Instantly this guy goes into defense mode about how he feels like they are roommates, how she gives my son and her nephew more attention than him and how he's been miserable for the past year. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, he put the blame on the failing marriage.

Turns out this guy was having an open relationship with the other girl for the last month. Admitted he had feelings for her. Called her every morning and even met her in person. Swears nothing physical happened he was just depressed and needed someone t talk to. My SIL believes nothing physical happened and uses that as an excuse to downplay his actions. We constantly reaffirm her that he could be lying (and probably is).

My SIL eats up the marriage decoy he threw out. They went to one therapy session and now they are all better and my wife and I are expected to welcome my BIL back in with open arms.

I would also like to add these two events are not the only instances in their marriage. He has repeatedly created online profiles and sent inappropriate messages to girls from other platforms. When she catches him on something he moves to another platform.

I know someone from the outside might say this isn't your problem and to let them figure it out but that just isn't possible for us. We have to see this guy all the time (haven't seen him since the event). We know he will just go back and do this again and it pains us to see our SIL go through this again and again.

We haven't seen them since the night everything went down. She has ghosted my wife since then. I'm sure my SIL is embarrassed and doesn't know how to bring him around us again. I don't want that guy in my house again.

How to we handle this moving forward? I am being completely honest when I say I hate this guy. My SIL is the breadwinner and this guy has coasted in their marriage as a forever student. For as long as she's married to him, there will always be friction between ourselves and him. He's lazy and unmotivated and it rubs off on her. She's a good person but he brings her down on so many levels. How do we love one person while they are also attached to a complete monster?

tl;dr my SIL is being emotionally cheated on (possibly physical) and we are not sure what to do. BIL is putting the blame on her and the marriage. We aren't sure how to love our SIL and stomach being around him

Submitted November 11, 2019 at 10:56AM by Deredactle https://ift.tt/32CDHVB