My [F32] family wants me to taken in my addict cousin's [F26] kids because I mentioned my partner [M32] and I wanted to adopt soon?

My partner and I already have one kid together, who is about to be two. My pregnancy was really hard on my body and I literally likely wouldn't survive another one, but I've always wanted a big family. So my partner and I thought we should adopt a few kids (ideally a set of siblings). We were also considering older kids (3-8 years old range) because we knew that they had more trouble getting adopted (and because, if we are being honest, they're less expensive to care for).

Well, I told this to my mom and my aunt casually over dinner the other day. And instantly it became "take in your cousin's kids." Those kids are in and out of the system because my cousin is an opioid addict that is also severely mentally ill. I do not want her kids. One has severe behavioral and developmental issues (he's violent and has the "mind" of a three-year-old at age six), and the other two are very young and born addicted to drugs (ages 2 and a few months), so I don't have high hopes for their development. I don't want to raise them. I don't want to deal with that mess. I know I am awful.

My mom and aunt are bullying me to take them in and "keep them in the family" and think that it's awful that I would raise a stranger's kids before my own blood. I don't really know what to say. I know raising all kids is hard, but these kids are already set up to be particularly hard. They are yelling at me for being illogical and cruel.

I work as a nurse practitioner and my partner runs a small (but fairly lucrative) landscaping company-- two demanding jobs. I don't see us having the time to do all that extra work. All my family sees is a dual income and a lot of money, and thus we are being cheap too (the kids would likely need things like extensive medical care, and possibly special schooling). We try and save money when we can, and it is because we don't want our kids to go into college debt or have to worry about expenses. It's not like we are spending the money on glitzy vacations. We aren't by any means "wealthy" but compared to the rest of our families (who were all working-class) we are rich... which I think is also part of the problem... they assume we can fix everyone else's problems.

How can I tell them no, without burning bridges? What can I do in the future to prevent hell from breaking loose when we finally do adopt?

TLDR: I said I wanted to adopt kids and now my family wants me to take in my addict cousin's kids, who were are all handful and have confirmed and expected issues that I am unwilling to deal with. Don't really know how to say no and still adopt other children.

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edit: language/clarity.

edit2: I am a bit overwhelmed (and feeling a bit defensive even) and so I think I am gonna log out. Thank you to all of you that offer thoughtful feedback. I will take it to heart!

Submitted August 23, 2019 at 02:32PM by Ellerie https://ift.tt/2zkEr5f