EDITING TO ADD: after really thinking about it, I guess it makes me feel uncomfortable that she is presumptious in thinking my partner needs HER to check in on him, etc. Maybe I'm just sounding like a nasty person.
When I first started hanging out with my boyfriend (as friends), he was still dating his girlfriend (Pam). He seemed to have all the free time in the world and it was obvious they never saw each other. He said she refused to commit. During this time, he and I spent more and more time together (platonically). I had never even met her, and he told me he didn't see a future with her because she made no time for him. He broke up with her. And then he and I got together. That was 5 years ago.
As soon as he broke up with Pam, she became hysterical. Stalking us both via social media (ex: making fake accounts to try to follow us). She called and texted him all the time. She threatened to commit suicide. She showed up at his house several times while I was there. Anyway, she obviously had very strong feelings for him and this type of contact lasted half a year. She stopped that after a while, but they were always still in contact a bit.
My boyfriend told me they speak a couple of times a year. Birthdays, Christmas. But keep in mind they broke up 5 years ago (and had only been in a 1 year relationship and had never lived together). In this past year, I've come to realize she contacts him more than twice a year. I think she's moved on (in that she has a relationship with someone else). But I think she still has feelings for him. Not that I think she's trying to break us up -- honestly I don't know why this bothers me that much. He says I just don't like that another woman he used to be intimate with still cares deeply for him. I guess I don't like that.
She will text him to tell him she's thinking about him, or worried about him for whatever reason. They are still friends on fb so she comments on his posts. She wishes him (and his daughter, and his mom) a happy birthday. She wishes him Happy Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, Easter. She started a new Etsy business and he bought a little keepsake from it. When he was ill she contacted him several times to check up on him.
When I bristle at this, he tells me some of his male friends are this way too....keeping in touch with him, touching base, etc. He says he has no feelings left for her. Am I just being unrealistic and controlling to expect him to limit contact with her? He says he DOES limit contact with her, but I feel like she's still got free access to him. I need to know if I'm the one being stupid here.
tldr: 5 years after breaking up with his ex-girlfriend, she still contacts him a lot as a friend. I feel annoyed by this. Am I totally controlling?
Submitted August 23, 2019 at 07:06PM by zandylin https://ift.tt/2NurPkk
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