My boyfriend (26M) and I (25F) have been in a relationship for 11 months. We started dating in February of last year and made our relationship exclusive/official in September. We both live in a city where public transit is sparse, so having a car is almost essential. I remember in our early dating phase he noted having been disappointed when a girl he'd been seeing lost interest because he couldn't afford a car. I don't mind, I have one and like driving anyway, so it's not that big of a deal for me to pick him up for dates and stuff. But, I'm really career oriented, so when I noticed he was feeling dissatisfied with his income I wanted to help. In October, I asked if he had a resume (he did not), and put a template together for him from the work history he gave me. I told him that all he had to do was fill in the specifics. It was mostly part-time jobs here and there without much responsibility, which kind of concerned me, and his current part-time job he's had for the past 6 years with a sports team. During the off-season he has to find another job to hold him over every summer to fill the gap, so I hoped with this new resume he'd have an easier time come March or April.
We like spending a lot of our downtime together, and my apartment is a much closer commute to both of our jobs than his, so he'd spend almost all of his time at my place. We'd all but moved in together. At the beginning of this year I bought a house, and moved in in April. In May, I asked if he wanted to officially move in with me and he said yes. He began subletting his apartment. He still hadn't yet found a summer job and his lease wasn't up until July, so I agreed to handle the mortgage/bills until then.
(Aside, but related) : He isn't much of a party-goer and doesn't like clubs. He doesn't drink or smoke. All of which, I do. I've noticed, though, that for the past 4-5 months we haven't gone out much at all anymore. He doesn't ask me on dates or to the movies or to do anything outside of the house. I know part of it is that he just doesn't have much disposable income, but it still bothers me that even the interest to go out to do free/cheap things isn't there.
I'm planning to go to grad school next year and he agreed he'll move to whatever city I attend school in. I've been worried that the entire time I'll be in school (and without income from my full-time job), he'll be idle or aimless. I asked him a couple times, but most recently at the beginning of this month, what his passion was. He has a degree, and I asked if there was something in particular he wanted to do as far as work and a career. He couldn't give me an answer, but said if it'd make me more comfortable he'd have an answer for me by the end of this month. Last week, his friend recommended a job for him at a call center and he went to apply. I asked if I could see his resume, and when I looked at it I realized it was exactly the same as how I'd left it. A template. Full of unfinished sentences and "add details here"s. I confronted him about it and it was clear he'd never even read it. I've been paying all the bills, lending him my car, filling the tank, buying all the groceries, forgoing dates and I feel like he hasn't even put in an honest effort to get a job.
I feel almost used and underappreciated and want to break up with him, but I also feel like I should wait to see if he can give me reassurance at the end of this month with his promised career plan. It's hard for me to want to end this because I know he really cares about me. I really care about him, too, and we've made this whole plan for a life together. I know this is typical - I really do love him. But I know I'm unhappy and will continue to be unhappy with the little amount of drive he shows. Help? Do I wait?
TLDR; My boyfriend needs to get a job but won't put in the effort, while I'm stuck paying for almost everything. Do I wait for him to get his act together like he said he would?
Submitted August 22, 2019 at 04:00PM by bathph https://ift.tt/2TWTonE
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