Sadly, I'm writing as the partner who is passive-aggressive and emotionally manipulative. I've been reading about toxic relationships recently and have started to realize that I fit into a few of these categories with my partner of almost 4 years. It's been worse recently, and I can tell it's starting to affect him. I love him, and he deserves better. I know I'm on the older side for this site, but I figure better late than never.
Examples of this behavior: double speak; saying one thing and hoping he'll read between the lines to figure out the true meaning. Not saying what I want (for example, that I want him to send Sunday morning with me) and then getting upset (passive-aggressively) when I don't get it. Taking offhanded comments ("I like that other shirt better") VERY personally. And I have to admit, I have to fight the urge to give the silent treatment very hard, as I have had it done to me, and it's awful. But the urge is there.
I've been better about catching myself over text for the past few weeks. For example, when I texted that he should see his friends instead of me on Friday and he agreed, my initial response was hurt and rage (although I didn't write anything). I then took a deep breath, realized that he thought my proposal was genuine (as it should have been), and then texted, genuinely: "Have a great time and say hi!" I know this sounds basic to most people, but I'm trying.
My bigger problem is in real life. I am a reactive person, and my face betrays everything. I want to learn to recognize my behavior in the moment and prevent it from being hurtful, and I'm not sure how to do that in real-time. At some point, I'd like not to do this at all. I appreciate any suggestions or tips that have been successful.
It's been a year full of stress and tragedies for both of us, and neither of our mental health conditions is amazing. I can tell my inconsistency (from caring and supportive to horrible and back) is starting to wear down what little self-esteem he has left, and I don't feel great about myself when I act this way, either. He is a good guy and deserves a more fair situation.
tl;dr: how to unlearn passive-aggressive and manipulative behavior to be a better partner.
Submitted August 04, 2019 at 02:41PM by Hiyathere246 https://ift.tt/337Nftb
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