We've been married for 5 years. He's always had anger issues, but for the most part I was used to it and knew how to avoid setting him off. A few times he would shove me when he was angry if he'd been drinking. We had a couple of very stern conversations about that and he cut way back on drinking.
6 months ago he got very angry during an argument and shoved me hard. I told him if he ever physically tried to hurt me again it was over.
4 months ago there was an evening where he ended up drinking too much (up until then he had been very good). He got angry at me over a fairly minor disagreement and he shoved me. This time I shoved him back, and he grabbed me around the neck and pushed me against the wall and squeezed. Not too hard (although there were red marks) and not too long. But I remember that I wasn't able to get his hand off so it was hard enough.
I decided then that we were through. As well, in the days that followed he refused to accept that he was abusive. I heard all kinds of things. I'm verbally abusive. I push his buttons. I pushed him back, so it was just a fight and couples all fight.
I wasn't in a position to leave that minute. I don't have friends and family around me and I really had nowhere to go. But I knew someone who had an apartment building and I let them know I was interested (this is after searching high and low for an apartment on my own). They said they knew someone was moving out but the apartment wouldn't be ready until December. I saw it and said I'd take it and paid first and last.
In the meantime, I've never told him I'm leaving. I've been getting my ducks in order to make moving fast (getting rid of unnecessary personal items, separating our papers, setting up a separate bank account, etc).
However, this all happened 4 months ago. So during all this time, he's been wonderful. I stopped sleeping with him (so he thinks I'm still holding resentment over what happened, but has no idea I'm leaving). But overall, I've tried to act normal. He has been so much more patient and kind to me. He never gets angry at me. He complements me. We've gone on several day trips and had a lot of fun. We go on date nights.
I'm not sure why I've been doing all this other than to say I just wanted things to go as smoothly as possible considering I knew I had to spend several months here. And at the heart of it all, I truly do love him. And I get a lump in my throat knowing I'm leaving soon. I don't WANT to leave at all. I want this version of him to stay forever. But I know the statistics and I know it's very very likely he will abuse me again at some point.
This weekend was his parent's anniversary and we drove 4 hours to be there. He asked me to dance to "our song" and afterwards he kissed me and I started to cry. I love him and I have no idea what to do.
tldr partner abused me 4 months ago and I put a deposit on an apartment that will be available next month....I dread leaving
Submitted November 18, 2018 at 08:22PM by shipotwno https://ift.tt/2qRn8Vj
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