First and foremost this is probably gonna be a long read so apologies for that. Secondly I’m typing on my phone.
My wife and I have been together for 7 years now, married for 3. And now that I look back it has been that all of our relationship she has had some issue or problem.
Our relationship started when I was 20 and she 27. I had done the hookup and party thing for prior to dating her, but she was my first adult relationship.
In my family it was my mom, dad little sister who is 12 years younger than me and myself. As a kid i witnessed a lot of domestic violence, my dad would just always be angry and fighting with my mom, any little issue would just set him off. My parents would throw items at each other, it would get physical occasionally and just not a good time at all.
Besides that when my dad was in a good mood the whole family was in a good mood and happy, he would joke around and just be silly but then he would just switch to his angry self. I remember my mom alway talking to me bout leaving him but would always say that he is such a good guy and he is so nice whenever he would not be is angry self. Which I agree with he was the best dad ever up until he would go hulk mode.
I bring this up because I have noticed that I fell into the same situation my mother was in. My wife is a great person whenever everything is going great. But just like my dad every little thing sets her off. And she might be worse than my dad. It makes me so sad that the person I married is basically a replica of my dad in woman form(behaviorally). And I feel like such an idiot for trapping my self in this situation I was in as a child. I always vowed as a kid that when I grew up I would have a peaceful family and would never fight, especially in front of my future kids(we have none).
At first she would freak out as usual but we would rarely fight and would never call me names. It was like a rule I had because of my childhood. It wasn’t until we moved in together that she would call me names, and at first probably the first year, I would not call her any names in return in order to stick to my self promise of not having a relationship like that. But I just got tired of I after a while and I would call her the same names she called me back to her. And this made her absolutely livid she goes even harder and tries to cuss me out even more. She once told me that the reason she does this is because she sees it as a challenge and that she never backs out of a challenge and she also said and I quote “I see it as a challenge so I say let’s go for it b!ch, and see who gets the last word in”. Our relationship wasn’t so bad back when I wouldn’t stand up for myself and I would let her do whatever, but once I started giving her the same energy she gives me is when she has truly become a monster.
There’s also many instances that have made me rethink our marriage. A few examples are she would make fun of my religion (Jehovah’s witness) when she became an atheist. She then found a new faith that is a little controversial, and she demanded I adapt and respect her choice and she forced me to be ok with having a shrine to her faith, even after I said no or I want ok with it. It sucks being ok with her faith when she talked so much shit about mine. When I asked her to apologize she said no because people change and she’s not like that anymore, even though she still throws jabs here and there.
Little backstory, she is a licensed hair stylist so she is a professional, and she doesn’t like how anyone cuts her hair, so our latest incident was when he told me to cut her hair, I told her but you can’t get mad at me if I mess it up. She said ok and I kept repeating this to her multiple times.
Anyways I cut her hair and she said I fucked it up and started crying like crazy saying I did it on purpose. And she called me the following words: you b!ch, you fckin f@gg0t, you d!ck, asshole. All because someone that warned her might fuck up her hair didn’t cut her hair the correct way. Mind you this is my first time ever cutting someone’s hair. So I said “fk you i warned you”, and she you did it on purpose, I said “why would I want to do it on purpose and hear you nag at me”. And she said “only an idiot would not be able to cut it in a straight line”. So I left to the living room. And she called me over still hysterical. She told me cut my hair now, NOW!!! As on like demanding I continue to cut her hair after she talked so much shit to me. I said “you need to apologize to me first”, she said “CUT MY HAIR NOW OR IM GOING TO HIT SOMETHING REALLY HARD AND HURT MYSELF”. In the past she has punched walls and herself and threatened suicide once or twice.
I was going to do it just so she wouldn’t do it. And I thought to myself she’s using these scare tactics in order to control me and manipulate me. And I am done being someone’s plaything she treats me like a dog. And I kept repeating to her, Say you’re sorry for calling me names, apologize for treating me like this, and she said NO!! So I put the scissors and comb she gave me and set them down and walked away. She tried cutting it herself and she was just being nasty to me. She told me I was enjoying this whole thing, and told me to leave her the fuck alone. So I told her “gladly” and left to the living room.
I love her but she has pushed me away so much that I want to divorce her and leave her. I wonder to myself if all relationships are like this or if there really are caring women in the world that wouldn’t treat me like this in a relationship. Our whole relationship it has been nothing but problems. She has caused me to push my family away and never see them. She gets so vicious and nasty when I go visit them it’s insane. And my parents are the ones that have helped us out the most, they even gave her $500 to help her with her broken down car. And let us move in with them for almost 2 years no rent while we found our place.
I guess I’m just ranting and venting because people always ask how I am especially my mom, and it hurts to look in her in the eyes and lie to her face and tell her that everything is ok.
I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety in the last couple of months, the doctor even prescribed me anti-anxiety medication. And I was going to therapy but they told me there want a whole lot they could do if it’s only me going to therapy and not with her, they encouraged me to take couples counseling, and I brought It up to her but she just kept pushing it aside.
Funny thing is she was the one that told me years ago, that if we ever had relationship problems to take couples counseling before divorcing or something. Even though she constantly threatens me by saying she’s gonna divorce me.
In the back of my mind I think what would happen, if we do separate. Is this as good as it gets? Are some relationships actually healthy and nice? Are there caring women out there? Sorry for such dumb questions but it makes me wonder what if this is as good as it gets for me and I find worse women out there in the future.
TLDR : How do you know when to leave your toxic relationship, and what if the grass is not greener on the other side?
Submitted April 06, 2023 at 10:07PM by stonkstonkstonk___ https://ift.tt/JjZw9sh
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