English is not my first language. If this seems confused it is because I’m truly at my wits end at the moment. TL;DR at the end.
As the title says, my parents (F56, M60) seem to say no to everything I ( F33) ask them or disregard everything I say. It drives me nuts.
I’m currently at home due to my mom being sick. I lived abroad so while I keep in regular contact, I was not with them everyday, all day like now.
I’ve started to notice they say no as an instinct to everything I say or suggest. It is extremely strange as it seems to be almost subconscious. From the most miniscule things (food, drinks, what to watch on TV), to the most important (health), their response is either no or an argument about how I’m wrong.
We argue a lot about my mother smoking (several doctors told her to stop), and their usual argument is that she doesn’t smoke that much or that it doesn't matter. Even Though she has some sort of a bronchitis now, keeps on coughing and smokes, while coughing. My dad even got into a “debate” with me about how his friend read somewhere that a few cigarettes a day won’t harm you. And would keep arguing if I didn’t find an article proving him wrong. His only reaction was: “Huh. Really.” and then he left. But, since they’re both smokers, I kinda get their denial and tendency to argue about this.
Or, my mom complains for several days of really not feeling well and tells me she will call her doctor, and when I ask her the next day when her appointment is, she says something like “An appointment? Why would I go to a doctor? I’m fine”
But it happens with ordinary stuff too. All the time.
Example: Me: Mom, should I make you some tea? Mom: NO! Me: Ok, no worries. I’ll be in my room to work for a few hours. Mom: Ok, make me a cup. me: I thought you didn’t want it. Mom. No, no, I’d like some tea. Me: ??
My mom also had a habit where she would scream at me, from the couch, whenever I started to cook, to “Not cook too much, I will not eat a lot!”, no matter what I cooked. And it’s even more baffling because she always ate a lot, I never forced her to eat and I cooked mostly the foods she really likes. And we never throw food away. I can think of dozens of examples like this. I honestly cannot think of an example where I said something and they agreed right away or just said it sounds like a nice idea.
I asked them several times why they do that and they seem to be unaware that they’re doing it. I’d be like, “You want to do that? But you said no.” and they genuinely don’t seem to realise they say no all the time. I find it particularly strange as it often happens that they say no, I say ok, and then they say "yes, let's do that" a minute later.
Am I doing something wrong? Are they contrarians? Narcissists? I’m so confused.
Any advice is welcome.
TL;DR: Parents seem to have a habit where they say no to everything I ask or suggest, only to say yes a few moments later and are surprised when I tell them they said no. Ni idea why they do this or what to do.
Submitted November 02, 2021 at 02:41AM by She_Cloaks_the_World https://ift.tt/3w8mIdR
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