My girlfriend (24F) and I (24M) seem to be breaking up. I realized I can’t share my life with someone.

Hello everyone,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2,5 years and living together for 1,5 years.

We met when we were both students, and decided to make a go of it. She is an extrovert, agreeable person, and I am an introvert, not so agreeable person. However, we found a way to make it work, and I must say I believed we enjoyed the life we made. We agreed on many things, such as politics, religion, work/personal life, household stuff, money and so on.

However, we have been having issues since the beginning of our relationship. Basically, she has diluted herself in our relationship, meaning we’re 90% me. That is part the fact that I just naturally take decisions and she trusts me with them, but also that I just can’t leave any room for my partner to be herself and breathe. Everything ends up going my way. I tend to be very controlling and judgmental. There doesn’t seem to be enough room for 2 when I’m here.

More specifically, she likes going out, smoking and having drinks with friends, I don’t smoke nor drink alcohol. The issue is that I just cannot stand the smell or the fact that one would actually smoke or come home wasted, and I end up having disgust or contempt towards her.

I am an all or nothing person when it comes to goals, lifestyle, and health. She has an vague idea of her goals and what she’s expecting from her life, but she likes feeling free and having a sense of agency, and so she ends up not fulfilling her vague goals. And I just don’t understand why would someone say something but behave in the opposite way. So when she does the opposite of what she seemingly wants, I can’t help myself but making a comment.

She told me yesterday that she just couldn’t do it anymore, that she wanted to be herself and not feeling judged anymore. I 100% understand her reaction and don’t blame her for that. I did that to myself. I want to stay with her, we had plans and I really saw myself making a life with her. The issue is she told her mom everything and I just won’t be able to look her in the eyes anymore now she knows. We are also sleeping in different bedrooms (she asked for it). I am heartbroken and never felt this bad.

Before I get called a narcissist and so on, I want to highlight the fact that I don’t find any pleasure in being like that. I hate it and suffer as much as she does and it’s the reason why I am seeking help. I wish I could have a relationship where we can both be ourselves and grow together.

I guess what I am asking is first a general opinion, maybe ask questions, and finally maybe some advice for a person like me so that I can change.

TL;DR! My 2,5 years girlfriend (24F) and I (24M) seem to be breaking up because of me being too judgmental and her having diluted herself in our relationship. I am looking general feedback, questions or advice so that I can either make it better or don’t do it again next time.

Submitted November 02, 2021 at 02:47AM by damagedmacaron https://ift.tt/3mDpBjT