This is a long one and I'm on mobile so sorry ahead of time. My bf (27M) and I (19F) have been dating for a little over a year and a half. We have been living together for the past year. I have always been someone who loves to wear costumes. I actually learned how to sew while helping my mom make my Halloween costumes as a kid. As I got older we branched out into making costumes for me to wear to festivals and conventions but Halloween stayed our favorite holiday. My mom passed away two years ago and this year was going to be my first attempt at celebrating Halloween without her.
My bf is the opposite of who I am as a person. He is very introverted and private. He doesn't really like us having people over to our house and he especially isn't the type to dress up for Halloween. He thinks it's childish, a waste of time and money. However, this year, he could tell that I really needed something to celebrate. He said it would be nice if I had a Halloween party with some of my friends as long as I didn't make him dress up. Since he let me know he was okay with a Halloween party several months in advance I was actually able to invest a generous amount of time into putting together a costume as well as planning food, drinks and decor.
I used my own money for the costume and the party. I budgeted carefully to get the most out of my college student sized party fund and ended up DIY-ing most of the decor. I also made sure to run everything by my bf as I went because I knew that as enthusiastic as I am over this holiday he can be irritated by too much of this sort of thing. He signed off on everything I did, often with a fair amount of praise and enthusiasm, until the week leading up to the party.
The first problem he had was with my costume. I went as Persephone. My costume was based off of the painting Proserpine by Dante Gabrielle Rosetti. My boyfriend didn't like the drape of the dress I made. He told me that even though he had said he liked it earlier in the month when I finished it he actually thought it looked ill fitting on me. He said he felt the need to tell me this because he was worried about me feeling out of place next to my friends who would be wearing more traditional costumes. No matter the reason, his last minute disapproval hurt. Even more hurtful was his annoyance when I wouldn't immediately agree to go buy an entirely new costume.
Another issue with my costume was how he treated the headpiece I made. I based it off of the star crown Hedy Lamarr wore in the movie "Ziegfeld Girl." It was my first try making anything like it so while the finished crown was wearable and looked great (imo) it was fragile to the touch. I spent the day before the party finishing it and I told my bf how delicate it was when showing it to him for the first time. Immediately, he strummed his finger across several of the wire arches supporting the headpiece's stars which sent two of the stars flying. I was instantly in tears which I understand in hindsight wasn't a reaction proportional to how easy it ended up being to fix the stars. That night we got into a big fight over my inability to "take a joke." I understand that I shouldn't have freaked out right away but I'm still upset that he risked seriously damaging something I'd spent all day working on for a laugh.
The day of the party was a struggle. My bf had agreed to run several errands, like getting ice, while I put the finishing touches on cleaning, cooking and decorating before getting my costume on. Instead he holed up in our bedroom playing video games and essentially told me it was my party and my problem. The few times I actually caught a glimpse of him during the day he was extremely cold towards me.
The final straw came during the 20 minutes before guests arrived. He came out of the bedroom and walked around the house to see the party's setup for the first time. He made snarky comments the whole time about how silly or tacky the things I made looked. He asked if the final product was really worth all of the time and resources I had invested. Until then I was extremely proud of the way things had turned out. I thought he would be proud too considering he'd approved of all of the pieces of decor separately as I'd finished them during the previous months. He ended his critique by saying guests would be weirded out that I had put flowers and a glass of mulled wine next to my mom's urn and picture of her that I keep on the mantle.
I started crying after this and told him to stay in the bedroom or find somewhere else to be for the party if he was going to make fun of me the whole night. He told me that he was angry and embarrassed that I hadn't listened to him about changing my costume. He said he was embarrassed that I had put so much time into decorating and dressing up for a children's holiday. He called me childish and some other unkind things. He ended up leaving for a friend's house and I didn't see him until the next evening.
I had a great time with my friends at the party without my bf and I'm so glad I didn't give up on a night that I'd put so much work into. I feel as though in spite of everything I reclaimed a holiday I used to love. In fact, not having my bf there to judge me felt like a weight off of my shoulders. The day afterwards I found myself relishing my time alone even though all I was doing was cleaning up after the party.
This has made me seriously question my relationship and consider moving in with my big sister during the upcoming holiday break. I tried to discuss my feelings with my bf when he returned but although he was full of apologies when he first arrived he quickly descended into calling me petty and demanding. He accused me of not having the maturity to put proper work into an adult relationship. I feel like he's right but I also don't think I have the energy to try and fix things. However, I'm worried my sister is going to think I'm an idiot when she finds out why I want to move in with her. Am I making a huge mistake considering breaking up a long term relationship over this?
TL;DR - Is it ridiculous that I want to break up with my bf for being unkind over my Halloween costume and party decor as well as sabotaging parts of the party preps knowing how much time I'd put into planning this party and why it means so much to me?
Submitted November 02, 2021 at 12:25AM by illcryifiwanto https://ift.tt/2YbetRY
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