My (37f) boyfriend (43m) admitted he doesn't find me "hot". He seems incredulous that I would think he did.

We've been together for 6 years. When I met him, I was confident. I thought I was pretty. That's kind of died away however.

He's always been unlike any other guy I've been with. Almost never gives me any compliments. Barely even notices anything about my appearance (other than if there's something "wrong"...then he'll mention it...he's told me I'm wearing a LOT of eyeliner before, he's told me my coat isn't very attractive, he doesn't like any of the shoes I own).

We've had a few discussions where I've told him that I don't even feel like he's attracted to me. He says he's definitely attracted to me.

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Recently we had a huge blow-up fight (that was fuelled by my jealousy and insecurity). :(

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One of the girls he went to high school with posted a selfie. She is very popular, and she's attractive. She's not a supermodel by any means, but she's pretty enough. A lot of people responded to her pic, and a group of the people he went to high school with were commenting and kidding her about not aging, etc. He also commented and called her Benjamin Button (aging backwards). She said:

"Nah, I'm aging. I was just looking at my crows feet this morning"

He replied: "Nope. You're still hot"

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That really bothered me because in the 6 years we've been together he's never paid me a compliment about being hot. Also I think I'm close in attractiveness to this woman. Anyway, needless to say I started a huge argument with him.

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I was really upset and said it was because he's never called ME hot. Our conversation:

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Him: Well you've never actually tried to look hot for me. You dress to blend into the background. You don't try to look hot!

Me: Well I know other men who call their wives hot all the time...and their wives aren't all dolled up or dressed up or in heels or whatever.

Him: Well maybe they do find their wives hot. Why are you so focussed on this?? I love you unconditionally.

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So from that I took that no, he definitely does not find me hot. I can't really explain how hurt I am. But I need some perspective. Am I supposed to be happy that he's with me even though he doesn't find me hot, and he still loves me unconditionally? We've had additional conversations where he tells me true love and attraction aren't about looks....that old people eventually become decrepit and they still love each other, but there's very unlikely any lust there.

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I just feel very hurt, and almost like I am not sure I even want to stay with him. But am I being ridiculous?

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(for the record, he's shorter than me, balding and about 25 lbs overweight....I've always only had eyes for him)

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tldr: my boyfriend admits he doesn't find me hot and thinks that's totally unimportant.

Submitted June 04, 2021 at 05:14PM by Glittering-Honey-930 https://ift.tt/3vWd90K