I’ve been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for 7 months so far but have known for him 2 years. He lives out of state but comes to visit me for a weekend every month. I recently went to visit his state and spent time his parents and siblings. He is a good guy and his family is very stable and loving. They said I could make one of the guest rooms an office if I need to do remote work when visiting again. His mother said she welcomes me like a daughter. There is not a single controlling aspect of my boyfriend, he doesn’t demand to know where I am nor does he tell me what to do or say. He doesn’t take advantage of my money and had spent hundreds on coming to see me and do fun stuff. For some reason, ever since the visit to my boyfriend’s state, my family has been making strange comments as if my boyfriend is abusive and a mooch. It first started when I called to let them know I will be flying back instead of having him drive me 8 hours. They started texting me asking if I was okay and that I sounded “sad”, as if him and his family are mean to me. They also said he should have driven me back or paid for my entire ticket, even though he paid for all my meals, tourist admissions, and the gas to come pick me up. I got mad about that assumption since this was the happiest week I’ve had in years and he treats me well. When I got back I brought gifts for my family and the first thing they say is “why didn’t he get you something to commemorate the trip?”, as if paying for our admission at all the tourist stuff and taking me to local restaurants isn’t enough. She has asked multiple times if he had me pay for the airbnbs we got when he would come to my state (we would split cost on the lodging and he would pay for food, which I don’t think is a big deal). My mom also asked if he can track my texts and location on the smart watch he bought me for Christmas (he can’t, we can only share workout progress). She is convinced he is using the exercise app to control me, just because he made one joke about how I don’t get a lot of steps in the morning. I told my mom his mother was making me a dress for a desi wedding and she freaked out, saying it was “weird” and then asked if they were marrying me off. She said she thought they were going to marry us behind her back because one time he mentioned about us living together in the future. I don’t understand how she came to that wild conclusion. My family has also asked if he is “controlling like other Indian men”. I felt pretty insulted by this, I understand some cultures don’t treat women well but my American father was abusive. The ironic thing is that my family has a lot of fighting because of toxic relationships and dysfunctional parenting. And his family does not have this problem, there is a lot of respect for the women and everyone helps each other. I feel like my own family is trying to sabotage my relationship because they don’t know what healthy looks like. What is the best way to respond to these underhanded comments and accusations? I feel like me getting defensive has made their suspicions worse?
TLDR; My family acts as if my boyfriend is abusive and a mooch, when evidence clearly shows he is not. How do I respond appropriately?
Submitted June 02, 2021 at 11:33AM by spottedcowgirl https://ift.tt/3chdCTr
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