I have been with my bf for almost 2 years. For months now he has been saying he would look for his own place. He lives with his parents for basically all his life. He pays for his car, motorcycle and phone bill but nothing else really. He is a momma’s boy who refuses to charge rent. My parents pay for my apartment but I pay for everything else. I struggle financially but I need my independence. I forgot to mention that I am a grad student but my bf is not. He has a career and I don’t yet. I told my bf I really wouldn’t accept a proposal unless he was going to move out. He says he will, he is waiting on work to progress in terms of his positioning and also he can’t find a decent place…he lives in the suburbs. It would be nice to go to his place without having to walk in and see his mom all of the time. I do have a good relationship with his parents though.
He got defensive when I reminded him of his 2 months deadline to figure out things on his side, to be more independent. He said he knows how I am (which he thinks I’m always manipulative) and how I ruined a good weekend (he says we always fight which is not true) and he does not want to talk. Last I spoke to him about this 2 months he said he fully understood and was grateful I gave him so much time. I am trying to work things on my end and try to change past behaviors in previous relationships. I feel like he says he will change and do things but he really doesn’t. Maybe it’s just easier for him. More convenient. I don’t think anyone has challenged him like I have. He does not seem used to being pushed to be better.
We decided to take a break, well more so myself, to analyze our relationship. He is the best boyfriend ever and I don’t know why he gets so upset. I feel gaslighted when we argue by him and it makes me feel crazy. I already have mental health issues. I am so confused. Please help I want this relationship to work!
TL;DR: My bf is not as ambitious as I am and becomes pissed off when I express my desire for our relationship to progress and for him to take us more seriously and be more independent. He says one thing, and does another. I am afraid this kind of dismissive/defensive behavior from him will continue in our relationship where I will be forced to end it.
Submitted June 02, 2021 at 11:39AM by amandajq6 https://ift.tt/3gaolQC
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