My wife and I separated last year and I moved out. The reasons for this were we argued a lot and her behavior was controlling - she never wanted me to do anything to take care of our baby even then, I rarely saw my friends or family, she would routinely go through my phone and reply to messages from my parents, family and friends.
She shows a lot of signs of post-natal depression/anxiety (but refuses to see a doctor) and the way she treated me definitely got worse after the baby was born. This is probably a big factor in why she will never let me take my daughter out alone.
It's definitely true that I am not as good at feeding, bathing, cleaning our daughter as she is, but as far as I know I have never done any worse than any other new father, nothing that would give any cause for restriction of unsupervized access.
I do not love my wife anymore and do not want to go back to her. I am realizing now how miserable my life was with her. I was tired all the time as I had to wake up for work at 3am (she wouldn't let me change job; after leaving I've been able to find something with more money and better hours) and then when I came home she would encourage me to go to the gym to lose weight or if the baby was asleep she would not let me shower at home in case I woke up the baby, so I would go to the gym to shower at those times, then I'd wake up in the middle of the night because... young baby. Sometimes if she saw me taking a nap or resting she would wake me up with a barrage of insults. I was sleeping on the couch every night for months. Eventually we agreed to separate.
Things have been better since then, we see each other once a week when I visit them, we occasionally video call so I can watch my daughter eat or talk to her. But I have no access to my daughter without my wife's agreement. She sees herself as the "primary parent" and thinks this means she has sole decision-making authority for our daughter. She has stated several times that I am incapable of looking after a child and therefore cannot be trusted to be alone with my daughter even for a few hours. She works for a law firm and has often mentioned that she can take me to court, that her company will help her fight a legal battle, etc.
My family, especially my parents, are upset with this situation because they never see their grandchild. My wife does not like my parents. The only time they are able to see the kid is if I let them know that we are going to the park/pool/etc and they show up there without warning. This infuriates my wife so I rarely try this.
Earlier today I asked her if I could take my daughter to the park for a while. She ignored my message (she rarely puts things in writing if they are nasty) but when I met her face to face for our visit the first thing she said was "We need to talk. What made you think I would agree to this? Who have you been talking to?" as if someone has been manipulating me into wanting to see my daughter without her around.
I am not sure whether to accept the situation as it is at least until our daughter is a bit older, or to try to use legal action to get the unsupervized access to my daughter that I am entitled to. Seeing her face to face for a few hours a week isn't a lot and it's not pleasant to have my wife around for those visits but I know it could get a lot worse. When she gets the letter from my lawyer she will be angry, the phone calls and video calls with my daughter will probably stop, she may even stop allowing my visits until such time as she is legally forced to agree to them. She often makes excuses to cancel my visits (for example "baby has a cough today, we are isolating" but then the next day she goes to the office as usual and leaves baby with her mom and dad) and this could get a lot worse too. I do want to see my kid more and for her to have a relationship with her grandparents but I don't want to lose the access I already have.
TL;DR: Wife is probably suffering post-natal anxiety, since we separated she doesn't allow unsupervized access to my daughter, not sure whether to risk making things worse by pushing for more access or or accept the status quo for now
Submitted August 25, 2020 at 01:43PM by baldilocks917 https://ift.tt/31uWSDs
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