I've recently learned that I have a problem expressing how I feel and being myself around people in my life. This includes the closest people in my life, be it family, friends, lovers.
I realized this after a recent breakup. There were multiple reasons for the breakup, but, if I were to point out one sole, underlying reason and catalyst it would be because I wasn't honest to her about how I felt and often doubled down on my dishonest thinking things would magically fix themselves. I exaggerated and lied about my emotions, to meet some self-conceived 'expectation' of where I thought we should be and how I should act.
I feel that I do that in a lot of my friendships as well. I tend to keep people at arm's length. I don't truly show them how I feel (be it positive or negative) and showing them my real personality is very difficult for me. Instead I try to act based on how I think I'm supposed to act. This applies less to family, as I am very much myself with them and feel comfortable around them. Though in recent years there is hesitation about being expressive of myself and more of acting within the bounds of some sort of expectation I've set in my head.
I've seen glimpses of it in the past, but it has really hit home after my last relationship and i'm just sick and tired of it. I don't know if this is a confidence thing, my anxiety, tendency to sweep my emotions under the rug, or just extreme societal conditioning? But I have decided enough is enough and am committing to work on this and would like any insights on how to even start tackling it.
Also - I plan to begin therapy soon.
TL;DR I have a problem expressing my feelings and acting like myself around close people in my life and I'm desperate to fix it. Help!
Submitted July 31, 2020 at 12:04PM by dukemanyxa2666 https://ift.tt/2PcVMFj
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