Hello! So, I (20F) had this friend (21F), we were BFFs for about 9 years until I started to realize our relationship might be toxic. She would try to force me into being someone she thought was better (I'm super introverted) and frequently crossed boundaries for that. It made me feel very insecure about myself. She would also make everything about herself and put words in others’ mouths with her own assumptions. And I used to be very rude and insensitive to her sometimes, I recognize that. Those are the main reasons I broke things off with her.
Overall our relationship was becoming more and more toxic with time. We did try to talk things out but we weren't that good at communicating feelings and working things out in general, we were very immature. So by the time we were 16 I did what I thought was right and withdrew from her.
She obviously questioned me. I was very confused at the time also, but I had this gut feeling that our relationship wasn't going to improve. So I told her the main points that bothered me but didn't go too deep into it, as I was going with my gut mostly. She was upset and said that she had always been a good friend to me and sacrificed herself so much for me, and that I never made it easier for her. But I didn't want to be friends anymore and I think that's okay imo.
Then she confessed she had a crush on me for a long time. I already suspected it, but I saw her as a sister. When I told her I already knew it she acused me of ending the frienship because of it, and that I had always sent mixed signals to her and hurt her (I treated her like I treat all of my friends). I said I treated her normally but still apologized if I hurt her feelings by giving her the wrong idea at any moment.
She got pissed, then I got pissed and we both said rude things to each other. So that was the break up. We were still in the same group of friends and were friendly to each other, but not as close as we used to be.
Fast forward 2 years, so now we're 18. I moved on, made new friends but still had conact with my old friends. She drunk texts me saying she wishes she could move on like I did. I asked if she was okay, kinda comforted her and apologized for the rude things I said and for the way things ended between us. She apologized as well. After that we were still friendly but I made it clear that I didn't want anything further than that with her.
Another 2 years passed and I lost contact with my old friends. Quarantine started, my life was upside down and I was going through some tough shit. She contacts me, asking how I was doing. Since I suddenly stopped talking to my old group she wanted to say they all missed me and wanted to know if I was okay. I wasn't, but I didn't want to reach out to her or to any of my old friends, so I didn't reply.
Few days go by, she texts me again, saying she had always wished me well and that our friendship had meant a lot to her. I thought that was sweet and was considering getting back in touch with her and everyone once I had gotten my life back together. But for now, I just wanted to be alone and work things out on my own. I didn't reply again. I thought she would get the message that I didn't want to talk. But she didn't.
Another week goes by and she texts me again, this time saying I had been weird since we broke up and that "she also ignored people she couldn't deal with". That sent me the idea that she thought I wasn't over her or our break up. I was a little pissed at this since she wouldn't stop messaging me when it was clear I didn't want to talk and on top implied the reason I wasn't replying out of her own assumptions. I didn't reply again. Again, I was/am going through some tough shit and just wanted my space.
So last week she sends me this:
"You know what? F\ck this! You are not some breakable fragile thing. And you were a real ass to me and I wanted to tell you to go f*ck yourself for a long time. I wanted a decent reason as to why we broke up but since you aren't going to reply I might as well just tell you to go f*ck yourself"*
I was shocked, it's been 4 years since we were close so I was very confused at this reaction. I cried. Every anxious thought I had that my friends actually hated me were confirmed inside my head and every hope I had of getting back in touch with them or her died right there.
I’m trying to reason with myself and I'm not sure if I deserved it or not. I had a lot going on and didn't want to have to deal with other people's drama because they couldn't move on or handle any more toxic behaviour in my life, so I just replied 'ok' and blocked her.
Do I owe her a better explanation of what happened 4 years ago when we were young and stupid? Is she being a ‘nice girl’ or am I being a jerk here?
TLDR; my ex bff snapped at me after 4 years and now I think I’m an a-hole for blocking her.
Submitted August 24, 2020 at 01:35PM by anxi0us_as_fuck https://ift.tt/2EzM0Lb
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