Am I (23f) being unreasonable with my BF (26m) about not wanting to adopt his child (6m) so he can live out his "childhood dream" of being in the military?

*TL;DR at the bottom

*** UPDATE

We sat down and talked. I will give it a week and see how it goes. This also gives me more time to prepare.

He agreed he had not kept up with what he had promised. When we were talking, he was sincere about being sorry and wanting to make sure I was happy. I realize the post makes him sound terrible but he really is a nice boyfriend to me. He always listens when I'm upset. When I want something fixed, he fixes it. There has always been an understanding between us except for that night. I can honestly say he tries. I've never had someone try to comfort me when I'm upset like he has.

This is the only time it has happened. He does have a LOT of things on his shoulders from fixing his truck (he can't afford to do it), needing to find out how to homeschool his kid while working fulltime (due to covid, the kid's school is virtual only until further notice), drama from his family, working a job he hates, and other things. That is not even all of them.

I can't forget that night and the things he said, but i can try to understand. I will give 1 chance. In the meantime, I am saving money just in case. That also eliminates that problem of being broke and needing to borrow money if i do have to leave.

He knows I will leave if he does that again.

We also talked about how he punishes his child by hitting. I told him it was unacceptable to me. I told him some of the things his son has told me, and he feels horrible. I hope it makes him realize the damage.

Also, the grandma is worse. I know a lot of you were hoping she is a better option, but she is a physically abusive alcoholic. She has hit me in the face with a beer can before. We lived with her for a few months while preparing to move from florida, and it was hell. The kid literally has nobody else.

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We have been together for a year, and have been living together for 3 months now. We met in Florida and he convinced me to move to Colorado with him 3 months ago, and it is going horribly.

I'm asking for advice because my bf threatened to hit me last night and we had a horrible fight.

He called me while I was driving home from work yesterday, and told me that he wants to go to the military. I already knew this. My boyfriend says it has been his childhood dream. His original plan was that he would give his child to his mother (the kid's grandma). He told me that now he wants ME to watch him full time while he is gone for months. "At least 6-7 months. It will be easy!" I've been doing it since we moved here, and it is not. I am miserable. I said I never agreed to doing that, and now here I am.

While dating, we had frequently talked about how I have never wanted children. I understand that he and his son are a package deal, and have no problem HELPING him with watching his son and other things. I feel like my bf has been taking advantage of me because things are not going as promised. I have been mostly in charge of taking care of him. Any free time I have?

"Well, you have to watch _______. Who is going to watch him?"

I tried getting a job but my bf was like,

"make sure you tell them that you have responsibilities at home so someone can watch _____. "

I eventually told him I was going to stop doing that, which caused a fight. It wasn't as bad as last night though.

Living with and dealing with a child daily is just what comes with dating a parent. I just want to make it clear I knew this coming in... He promised me that he understood my stance as well, and that I would still have a life while we lived together. He would take care of his son, and I wouldn't have to be a parent.

We have been living together very well. The kid loves me, and I enjoy hanging with the kid when I'm not forced. I care about him VERY much. But that doesn't make him my responsibility all the time. So naturally, I told him "no" about the military thing. I did not agree to raising a kid alone... and he EXPLODED.

He said I was trying to cause a fight by ruining his life goals, and said, "keep pressing my buttons and see what happens". He also said that if I think he's going to hit me, that he might as well hit me. "Shut up or see what happens." Then he was like, "I didn't mean it. It was a metaphor. " He is STILL going by, "it was just a metaphor! I wouldnt actually hit you."

Told me to shut up, called me stupid, said I was a failure of a girlfriend for not supporting him in his dream, and that I was no help to him. Since moving here, I've been working full time, making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for all of us, doing all the shopping, cleaning, laundry, EVERYTHING. It's like I moved here just to take care of 2 children! A 26 year old and a 6 year old. He barely helps. He constantly dumps his kid on whatever family member will watch him, and it is extremely embarrassing.

Otherwise he has been an amazing boyfriend. This all has been a huge shock and immensely disturbing for me. He says I have been twisting his words, saying he didn't say the stuff he said.

We JUST had a talk and he said that I didn't have to break his dreams so harshly. He said a partner should support their other half in anything. But I don't think it's fair to me. Why should my life be spent so he can run off and, "follow his dreams?". He had a kid. He needs to stay and be a parent. The mom is not in the picture. She gave the child up because she did not want him. So it upsets me that now his DAD wants to leave too.

I talked with my family and they want me to move out asap. They made a plan for me and everything, but I am hesitant. I dont want to hurt that child by leaving. His dad (my bf) is horrible to him. I didn't know this before we moved in together. The child tells me that he loves me, and that I'm his best friend, because he can tell me anything without being hit. My boyfriend was great before all of this (minus the whole treating me like I'm a maid and making me babysit and alter my life).

Am I crazy? Too harsh? Anything helps. I am honestly stuck. I need to decide what to do by tomorrow, because my family's plan will have me out of there starting the next day.

TL;DR

Previously great and accepting boyfriend got explosively (and uncharacteristically) angry and threatened me for not wanting to adopt his child while he lives out his dreams.

Submitted August 25, 2020 at 09:08PM by Hezitancy https://ift.tt/31uJRcN