I’ve been dating my boyfriend for years, we live together, share finances, and plan to get married as soon as we’re able. When we first started dating, we ran into an issue with his good friends that he knew growing up.
They were neighbors and spent tons of time together. Even their extended family are friends, and they all still catch up (his siblings, parents, etc) when they’re able. However, he isn’t super close with any of them anymore (it’s more like 1-2 times a year of catching up) and he has to seek them out to hangout with them. They’ll generally say yes when he asks them, but they don’t really make much of an effort with him; from what I can tell they’re just neutral.
The problem is that the three siblings in this family (2 guys and a girl) took an immediate dislike to me. They really liked my boyfriend’s ex, and from the second I met them they were just cold and standoffish. A few months after we started dating, they uninvited me from their big summer party that they host ever year (with no apologies - just very bluntly told my boyfriend I wasn’t invited) and never invited me to another event or hangout again.
A few things happened after that: he spent 3 nights at their house when we broke up and they badmouthed me the entire time (the breakup was just due to bad communication which we’ve since worked out) and every time I’ve had to see them since then at events they’ve gone way out of their way to avoid me.
Now, they have all drifted apart a bit, but my boyfriend seems to really want to connect. He even said the other day that he wants us to grow closer so that they can be in our children’s lives. I was horrified haha. He secretly texts and even hangs out with them behind my back occasionally, and when I ask him why he didn’t just tell me, he says that he wants to keep the peace and didn’t want to see my face, even if I didn’t say anything.
Because they’ve never said that they straight up don’t like me, my boyfriend sees no reason why he shouldn’t keep trying to hangout with them. He seems to think that he can get us all to be friends, but at this point even hearing one of their names gives me extreme anxiety. We sometimes get in fights when I hear him FaceTiming them or anything, especially when we had said we’d figure it out but hadn’t agreed on anything, but I sometimes feel like I’m overreacting and the last thing I want is to be controlling so I try to keep my upsetness to myself. I guess I’m just surprised and hurt that he doesn’t care about how I was treated. He has many other friends who he hangs out with often but he says he considers these people family (though I do not see that behavior back from them).
Am I making too big of an issue over this? I can’t get rid of the sick feeling In my stomach but I’m willing to work on it if it’s my issue. Also, just to mention, if they were to take any action to mend fences I’d 100% be open to that, but they have not, although my BF wants to force it to happen.
TL:dr; my boyfriend insists on getting closer to his childhood neighbors even though they dislike me (never said it to my face). I have a problem with this.
Submitted May 23, 2020 at 09:35AM by kyliekatcher https://ift.tt/36oH9Xl
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