My husband (M43) can't understand why I (F38 and recovering alcoholic) don't want to hang out at a bar with our toddler

Throwaway account since he's on reddit. I've been a heavy drinker my whole life. The only time I was able to stay sober for any length of time was during my pregnancy. After I stopped breastfeeding the stress of being the bread-winner and a mother caused the drinking to kick in again and I've been ashamed of it ever since. Now that our daughter is almost two I'm making the decision to go sober permanently. My husband doesn't seem to grasp the difficulty of this. He was always a drinker too, but seemed to have no problem giving it up or going to light drinking whenever he wanted. Unlike him I have depression and a family history of alcoholism and abuse, so I guess my drinking is more of a coping mechanism than his.

The other night he wanted me to bring our two year old to a bar where his friends were hanging out. I didn't feel comfortable and tried to get out of it, but he kept insisting, saying I need to be more social, and he hasn't seen them in a while, and lot's of people bring their kids to this bar and stay out with them late, and he wanted to be a cool family that takes their kids out in the evenings. I explained that its not a good idea to take a recovering alcoholic to a bar, and anyway I don't like bringing her there so close to her bedtime. He acted like I was being totally antisocial and selfish and kept arguing about it. We agreed to take two cars there so I could leave with her early, and I didn't last long. Just everyone enjoying their drinks, and the thought that I might have drinks and drive home with her made me want to cry. I left after about an hour. He seemed super hurt and abandoned when I packed her up and left. He said "Your leaving already? OK. I guess I'll just say hi to everyone for you."

He's always been a bit of an enabler, telling me it was ok to have a drink after a week sober and so forth. I wish I could help him internalize how hard this is for me. It's like he doesn't even see how much I suffer in relation to the drinking compared to him. Sometimes its as though he doesn't even see me as a person who's struggling and needs support. I love him but I can't be a drunk mommy anymore. If I have to choose between him and my kid it's 100% my kid. I just wish it didn't have to be one or the other. Any advice or support is welcome.

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**TL;DR;** : My husband (M43) can't understand why I (F38 and recovering alcoholic) don't want to hang out at a bar with our toddler

Submitted August 03, 2019 at 06:50PM by baffle36 https://ift.tt/2KnoKPR