Throwaway because my boyfriend reddits
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Things are going well, we have our fights but nothing too terrible. I came into our relationship on the progestin only pill (I can’t take the combo pill because of a health condition). My pill has a 3 hour window to take it.
I will already admit I’m not the best with taking pills in general. Before we got together I was single for over a year and was having sex sparingly and with condoms so I while I kept the habit of taking the pill, I wasn’t worried if I took outside the 3 hour window. Since we’ve been together there have been two times, where we’ve had sex within the past few days and then I forgot to take my pill within the 3 hour window.
The first time, my boyfriend and I freaked out and took necessary precautions but my boyfriend got really upset with me. I already told him I’m not the best with pills (he had tried to help remind me at the beginning of our relationship but that stopped after a few days) and mentioned that I had been thinking about getting an IUD. He was completely against this because he felt it was unsafe and had heard horror stories of uterus perforation. I told him that the IUD is actually really safe and super effective and if I had any issues I could just get it removed. But he was really against it so I shelved the topic.
Well last week, we had sex and then the next night we went to dinner and a movie and didn’t get out of until the 3 hour window had passed and I had forgotten my birth control at home. I took it right when I got home, maybe an hour hour outside the window but my boyfriend was livid. He said I was careless and irresponsible, accused me of trying to trap him with a child (this isn’t true I don’t want children either and he knows that). He said he felt like he couldn’t trust me.
After his blow up, I decided to say fuck it and make an appointment for an IUD. It just works better with who I am as a person. I told him the next day that while I understand his concerns, considering how upset me forgetting my birth control makes him, the fact that I don’t want children any time soon, that I’m just not great with pills, and that the decision is ultimately up to me, I decide to get an IUD. I told him he was under no obligation to come with me or help take care of me afterwards (though if he wanted to it would be appreciated) but I hope he understood that I felt this was the best decision.
He didn’t take it well. He told me that all his concerns were for my health and if I could just disregard his concerns then he clearly didn’t mean that much to me. We had this talk on Monday, he didn’t talk to me again until Wednesday. Yesterday he asked me if I was still going through with getting the IUD (my appointment was this morning) and I said yes. He hasn’t spoken to me since.
I don’t know what to do. I didn’t think this would be that big of a deal. And in the end it’s a choice that benefits the both of us. I just don’t know how to fix this.
TL;DR: Against my boyfriends concerns, I decided to get an IUD. He now won’t speak to me.
Edit: Just so it’s clear. I did get the IUD this morning. I just don’t know what I should do about my boyfriend.
Update:
We broke up.
He finally called me back to “see if I actually went through with it.” I told him I did. He said he couldn’t believe how carelessly I was treating my body and that I wouldn’t even listen to him or consider how he feels. He said he didn’t think he could be with someone who could steamroll over his valid concerns. I told him that I did listen to his concerns and had talked to both my gynecologist and my specialist in the past about IUDs and they both thought it was a safe idea, especially if I had no plans to have kids in the near future. That I held off from getting an IUD earlier partly because of his feelings but didn’t this time because I didn’t want third repeat of this whole pill situation.
Ultimately though, I told him that with my health condition, deciding birth control is one of the easier medical decisions I have to make. There will probably come a time in the future where I may have to make a major medical decision, and while I would always want to hear and consider his input, I couldn’t be with someone who when we don’t see eye to eye decides to freeze me out and tell me no versus trying to find some type of middle ground. He disagreed that he was freezing me out but was rather giving me space to “really consider my options and their consequences.” I told him I didn’t see it that way and even if that was what he meant it to be I don’t think that was a good way to handle this situation and that his silent treatment hurt me. He said that it only hurt me because I’m too sensitive and it wasn’t that big of a deal. That in the end it doesn’t even matter because he’s talking to me now. At this point, I just gave up. I said it looked like we are just incompatible and should probably go our separate ways. He said I was overreacting but eventually agreed and that’s that.
Thank you all for your advice. A lot of it really hit close to home and made me realize that while he was within his rights to be concerned, the way he handled the situation and treated me was not okay. It also helped me open my eyes that he had this trend of trying to make me feel bad/guilty whenever I didn’t do what he wanted and that I never really picked up on it until now (mostly because it had never been this bad until now). I really appreciate all the support, suggestions and insight.
Submitted August 02, 2019 at 02:55PM by Throoooowwwwitawayyy https://ift.tt/2Yh4Wrc
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