my (21f) mom (60f) moved in with me and my boyfriend yesterday and it's already looking like a horrible idea.

tl;dr: my mom, an alcoholic, has lived with me for a day and is already breaking trust by ignoring established rules and implied boundaries.

my mom has been homeless for over a year due to her alcoholism. i have done everything i can for her, and when my boyfriend and i succeeded in getting a place together, he invited her to live with us at a reduced rent (her only income is disability).

even though she's been in such a bad place for so long, i thought this would work out fine. for the past several months, when i'd talk to her on the phone or visit her at her friend's house, she wasn't drunk. now, i feel like i've been played and taken advantage of.

we moved her in yesterday, and she'd clearly been drinking all day. she was frantic and emotional while my boyfriend and i struggled to haul her boxes to our car (she is disabled and legitimately couldn't help us). i repeatedly asked her to calm down, as overreaction would only amplify the stressful situation, but she couldn't get herself under control. normally, because her drinking led her to abuse and neglect me as a child, her drunk behavior triggers me, but i kept it together yesterday. she knows how i feel about her drinking, and even though i was fine, it bothered me that she would choose yesterday to be a drunken asshole, frankly.

this morning, she was somehow still drunk. i guess she stayed up drinking all night. furthermore, i smelled cigarette smoke in our hallway. when we invited her to live with us, the first thing i said was, "you can't smoke inside." she said she understood. she invited her poly-drug-using boyfriend over first thing this morning (it's okay to have friends over, but she couldn't wait a day to invite him over?), and while she was outside waiting for him, my boyfriend peeked in her room. right there on the desk i helped her set up yesterday was an ashtray filled with cigarettes. i confronted her and told her if it happens again, she's out. i asked her not to put me in that situation. she said "okay," but she was so drunk, i'm not sure she was cognizant.

she and her pal have been in her room since then. the hall reeks of cigarettes.

i'm seriously all she has. her friend was dying to get her out of her house, and she can't go back there. the only place she can return to is the shelter. furthermore, she has a difficult surgery scheduled mid-month. it could be dangerous for her if she doesn't have a safe place to recover at.

honestly, i'm heartbroken that my mom would take advantage of me like this. she knows i'm submissive and don't handle confrontation well. i'm sure she thinks i'll let her get away with anything. my boyfriend will put pressure on me to get her out of here if she continues being so flippant, and he does not fear confrontation.

what do i do? i feel like kicking her out will weigh on me forever.

Submitted August 02, 2019 at 10:53AM by wonderbeans11 https://ift.tt/2Ke4fX5