My (21F) girlfriend is considering leaving me (25M) because I might have a hereditary genetic disorder

Please bear with me as I'm not in the best headspace right now and this might seem jumbled, but I will do my best.

A little over a month ago so ago we returned back from a holiday overseas, as most couples do when they're boxed in they argue a little because they aren't used to spending 24/7 in eachothers pockets. Whilst on the trip she mentioned that I should start doing more at home which I agreed on as I know I can be lazy sometimes and felt she was being reasonable as I could see it from her perspective. Upon returning home I picked up my game and did what she asked because upon reflection it didn't seem fair that I didn't help out as much as I did.

I still felt like there was something off about her, like she wasn't being completely honest with me. I have a pretty good indication as to when she's not be completely honest, but I don't force it out of her if she doesn't want to talk. I asked for a couple of weeks if she was okay, if work was stressing or out, maybe she was getting harassed while walking home again and she didn't want to tell me as I would get upset (unfortunately this happens alot from where we're from). She told me she was fine/okay and that work was just busy. I reassured her that if she needed to talk she knew where I was, rubbed her hand and kissed her forehead.

Anyway, fast forward until the 14th July. We were lying in bed, just lounging and I could see that something was off.
So I asked again if she was okay and she broke into tears, saying that one of her friends had just recently passed away unexpectedly and she felt crushed. So I laid there with her, scratching her head and holding her like anyone would.
Then out of nowhere, and I can't express this enough she says that's not all that's wrong. I asked her if everything was okay and like always she could tell me anything.

She tells me that she has been thinking over the last month or so about how I could have a hereditary genetic disorder and that she doesn't think she would be able to stick around later in life. I was, completely shocked. I don't think I can accurately describe how I was feeling other than being completely shocked. When we first started dating I told her that there is a 50/50 chance that I could have this HGD (Hereditary Genetic Disorder), and that my body would start to shut down in 20 - 25 years (if it was confirmed that I have it). As much as I would like to mention what disease it is to you all, I know a few of my friends and possibly hers may read this and I would rather not be linked back. Basically there is no known cure, only medication that can provide relief.

I didn't introduce her to my family for a little while because my father isn't in the best of health (he has the HGD also), sometimes it's hard to understand what he says, he has issues walking, grabbing things etc. This is caused by the degeneration of nerve cells in the brain. It's also alot to take in for someone who hasn't experienced someone in this condition before. I love my Dad, but it's hard sometimes to judge how someone else is going to react and I didn't want to stress him out. (Side information)

So after she mentioned that she didn't know if she would be able to handle if I had the condition in 20 odd years, she told me that she didn't want to be financially burdened, she didn't want to be saving for a house right now, she wants to go out and party and enjoy herself, she didn't want our kids to have to go through the same thing that I went through growing up (I was 17 by the time I found out and my father wasn't really around due to his job, but whatever) and that she didn't want to give up life to care for me full time. (I have never once stopped her from making her own choices, I only ever asked if she was going out to let me know when she was leaving and to not walk back home alone in the dark.)

I was, shocked to say the least. I spoke with her for months in the beginning, making sure that she was okay with it all and if she had any doubts that it would be best for us to call it off now.

I asked her if she really meant all the things she said at the beginning of the relationship, which included not giving up when things got rough, talking to each other when either of us seemed upset, till death do us part kinda talk. And yes, although we aren't married it's been a discussion that we've always been open and honest about. We both agreed in the beginning if we weren't serious in the long term for marriage, kids etc then the relationship shouldn't ago ahead.
She told me that she meant it at the time, and now she doesn't know if she can follow through.

I was always going to get the test eventually before we started to try for kids, that's not something I would even consider doing to them just for the sake of conceiving children naturally. I just really didn't want to know right now, because if I do have the disorder (50/50 chance) it's not easy to take in.

So without telling her to begin with, I organise to go and see a Dr to see how lengthy the wait would be to have this test done. Waited a few days, and get a call back to come in. I get a referral to see a geneticist and have the blood test. I'm petrified of needles and I'm not too fond on finding out if I have this condition. (Just to also add, I have known about this for almost 10 years know and so far I cannot see any signs of it developing).

So a week or so goes by and after we discussed that I would get the test in a couple of months as I have some pretty serious work commitments right now (need to be in the right headspace) she says that she doesn't know if she can wait that long. Again, I am utterly gutted. It seems that every time we stop talking about it that day, a couple of days later some other issue comes up and then I get told "Oh well I didn't think of it then". (Frustrating, but nothing I can do there).

So as of last week, I organised the blood test and went in (I was alot calmer and it went as well as a blood test can).
I told her a few days before going to get the test that it would be happening. She tells me "well you don't want to know right now so why are you getting it done so soon?" I tell her back "Because if I don't get the test, you won't wait around. And if I get the test and find out I do have it, you said you can't handle it and would leave anyway. I can't continue to put myself through the uncertainty."
Jump forward again to 2 nights ago, she tells me on the couch that she doesn't know if she can wait until the end of the month to find out and now she doesn't know what she wants to do (leave or stay and find out the results).

Let me also add, that I did all this for her and the relationship. I didn't exactly want to find out now, but I told her in the beginning (of us dating) that I would do anything for her and this includes that. She asked if I would be okay with finding out the result, I told her I didn't know. How is one meant to react to knowing their mortal lifespan will be reduced by 20 years?

I would do anything for her, and now I don't know how I feel. I understand her side, but I can't help but feel like this whole situation is just a cop out. I know I should look out for my own health, but I love her. I don't know how someone can go from being completely honest with you, to this.

I'm not really asking for advice here reddit, though feel free to share your thoughts below. I'm just gutted and needed a place to vent.

There's probably a bunch of information I've left out (not intentionally), so I'm sorry if some of the post doesn't make sense.

TLDR: My girlfriend of 2 years wants to leave me based on a hereditary genetic disorder (that I could have) that I told her about when we started dating, and it's now become an issue because she doesn't want to look after me later in life.

Additional notes for the TLDR: I'm currently awaiting the results, I should find out by the end of the month.

Submitted August 07, 2019 at 01:51AM by throway3585 https://ift.tt/2YMriMF