My parents are immigrants that worked hard and achieved the "american dream". They are both high income professionals and value hard work and education. I went to an top 20 college and graduate school and now I am on track to becoming a high income professional starting next year, although I will start with a significant amount of educational debt that I plan on paying down within a few years. My significant other went to a state university and also got a graduate degree but she works in a field where she probably won't make more than $70k/yr.
My parents have been against our relationship from the beginning. To them, her education and accomplishments are inadequate and suggest that she will be incapable of "raising successful children in an increasingly competitive world." They say I am being selfish to my future children for not providing them with the best possible mother/resources. They believe our income disparity will put an unfair burden on me as the main breadwinner. They say they didn't sacrifice their previous lives and come to this country for me to lower my standards in who I choose to be my partner.
I have been together with my significant other for 4 years (lived together for 3 yrs) with the tulmultuous parental conflict in the background. My significant other and I work great together with communication, housework/errands, budgeting, etc. She is a great human being with the kindest heart and I love her immeasurably. I see a future with her, even if it is one with modest lifestyles (below that of my parents). I don't mind working hard and saving up for the important things (childraising, their education). However, my parents think I am setting myself up for a life of misery by not finding a partner on the same level of education and earning ability.
They believe they are doing what's best for me in the long run by being against my relationship and that is what keeps them fired up. They believe that marriage is a family matter (should be agreed to by the elders) and is not just a pact between two lovers. They have even threatened to disown me. Our interactions feel distant nowadays. I feel that they have taken it too far and that they are not justified. I fear that I am losing my parents who are stuck with their views and I cannot find a middle ground. Help :/
TL;DR: parents think I should find a partner of equal background or else I will be unhappy in the future
Update: thanks for all the replies so far, going to check again in the morning. The validation helps. The other complicating factor is that my father has a heart condition (arrhythmia) and I'm worried that the [unjustified] stress that this conflict is bringing will make it worse and lead to further tragedy. I've been standing my ground and continuing to fight and argue because the alternative is for one party to cut the other party loose, and that would really not be good for my father's health.
Submitted August 05, 2019 at 06:45PM by throwaway255811 https://ift.tt/31kkEir
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