I (19f) have been in a toxic relationship for about a year. It started getting really toxic at the 6 month mark when I got cheated on (and I stupidly stayed).
I guess I didn’t know how to love someone the right way; I dedicated all my time and effort to my partner (24M) and neglected myself and sometimes my family and friends too. I wasn’t really growing as a person and my happiness mainly came from my relationship. He was my priority and I was staying with him almost everyday. But deep down I never really trusted him, I always had a habit of snooping (which I know is very wrong, I am actively working on it and have not done it for a long time) and found out many things and lies. Each time I forgave him.
Until one day I decided to snoop by accessing his SIM card (I had no access to his phone and this happened before I quit snooping) and found out that he was cheating on me since the 4th month. It broke me down crazily but I was too codependent and I refused to cut the relationship off. It was pathetic, I had this attitude: that I dont know if I’d be happy with him but I know I’d be unhappy without him.
It went on ok but I guess I never really healed. I guess after hating on the third party I eventually forgave her and wasn’t caught up about her anymore. Btw, she knew he had a girlfriend and that seemed to give her so much power trip, she was asking about me, using degrading terms on me, asking for my nudes etc. I couldn’t help but to hate excessively on her. It made me so angry to know that someone could be so low and disgusting. But still I moved on. I stopped stalking and stopped taunting her
However, I did not genuinely forgive him and neither did he show genuine remorse. He thinks not repeating his mistake is sufficient punishment for what he has done to me.
Needless to say, we’ve been having frequent fights, to the point of me crying almost everyday. Two days ago, I reached my breaking point. We were fighting and I was screaming at him. He said something that triggered me and all of a sudden I was dashing towards him and clawing and hurting him. That is not my natural instinct, I’m not a violent person and it really scared me that I have turned into such a person. I broke down like crazy after that and apologized. We were ok-ish after that incident but we are currently having a cold war due to my “sensitivity” (I get triggered and illogical due to the cheating and he hasn’t been supportive about it, I have not healed) and his “lack of understanding” regarding my emotions. I hate myself for resorting to violence and I’m looking to seek therapy asap.
I just packed all my things and I’m forcing myself to leave his place tomorrow morning. We have not talked for at least a day. I really need kind encouragement. Please help.
Tldr: need kind encouragement to leave toxic relationship
Submitted August 04, 2019 at 08:12AM by emperorship https://ift.tt/2YK4SzG
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