TL;DR My husband and I are living more like friends and roommates and I don’t feel as attracted to him.
Hi Reddit,
Hoping for some perspective or advice on my marriage issues.
My husband (35M) and I (30F) have been married for two years, together for 5.
He is truly my best friend, we laugh together, we don’t fight and we share a lot of the same interests. When we met I was initially attracted to his sense of humour and fun personality, he is trustworthy and cares for me very deeply. These things have never changed and he has never faltered when it comes to these things. He still makes me laugh and being together is generally very effortless.
From the start, sex and intimacy was never great. Our interpretations of “initiating” are very different, but as with all new relationships I believed that with solid communication and work we could improve things. The sex wasn’t bad, we just needed to get into the groove. And we did, for a while but it was very short lived.
After moving in together things went downhill really quickly. Our roles within the house were very unbalanced and it took a long time for us to reach a good place as far as our domestic lives were concerned. Between this, new jobs and a couple of minor health issues for us both things got stale.
I was committed to working on this, prioritising quality time and date nights and communicating what I needed and asking what he needed to make things better. He just kept telling me that he was happy with whatever I wanted and that was it. The effort felt very one sided and since other things in our relationship were so good at this point I felt like I was overreacting over this one issue.
As time passed, the frequency that we were intimate decreased more and more and we pressed forward in our lives. We got married, we bought and renovated a home and for the first time in a while we have no big ‘projects’ ongoing and this gaping hole where I feel passion should be feels more and more gaping! Another issue that became apparent was relating to self care, my husband is a handsome man and very low maintenance as far as self care is concerned. However, he has become far less active, is making less time to be active and I have to remind him to have his haircut or buy clothes for him so that he doesn’t go out with clothes covered in holes. He still showers daily but I’ve been asking him to go to the dentist to have a decaying tooth pulled and he keeps “forgetting”. Now, I’m not superficial, my love for my husband isn’t dependent on him looking like an adonis. To me it’s more what the lack of caring represents. I make the effort to take care of myself for me and for us, I care that he finds me attractive. My first reaction was to explore a possible mental health issue, such as depression. We visited a therapist and he assured me that he is happy, he’s just “comfortable” and almost elated he doesn’t have to make the effort anymore.
Intimacy feels awkward now, like making out with a friend and I find myself cringing at the thought. I don’t want to live like this forever.
This is turned into a much longer post that I anticipated. Can this be fixed? Would I be crazy to throw away a life with a kind man for the chance at a more passionate love life? I know life isn’t like the movies, I don’t have high expectations but SOMETHING that makes me feel like I’m in a couple!
Submitted August 24, 2019 at 03:28AM by Ciriyen85 https://ift.tt/2ZnrypF
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