Me [24 F], a gamer, and my husband[26 M] also a gamer, of 5 years struggling with gaming while visiting family.

Hello r/Relationships!

I have been together with my husband for a total of 7 years. Dating online for 2 and married for 5. We met playing a video game and fell in love. We love each other very much and enjoy our life together.

Our communication has improved immensely since we got married. We are both people who tend to fume silently, keeping our problems to ourselves. Through the years we have pushed past our own discomfort and have become better with telling each other our feelings.

We are both avid gamers. Much of our time is spent playing games instead of watching movies or going out. I value this time with him greatly. My husband loves playing one game in particular with his best friend (20-30 M). During we both lost our jobs during the COVID lockdowns. Because we had more free time, he became so enamored with playing this game with his friend that I started to feel neglected. I'm talking, like, 5-6 hours a day of him playing (loudly) with his headset on, speaking to his friend.

I let this go on for several months because I figured that it's healthy for him to have a great best friend that he enjoys talking to. Eventually after several months of the 5-6 hour days with the game I was feeling neglected. I requested that he stop playing as much and try to spend time with me. Or to at least stop being so loud so I may do other hobbies while he's playing. I also felt hurt because he can be skeptical/discouraging of me having new hobbies or friends to play with instead of him. I don't recall how long my issue was considered before he started playing the same way as before. His friend goes on somewhat long breaks in between playing the game and playing the game nonstop.

We have had this issue intermittently whenever his friend starts playing the game again. I bring it up to him, he apologizes and says he understands. Eventually, he falls into the same pattern again. I feel bad, because I want to encourage my husband to be close with his friend and to enjoy his free time. But it hurts my feelings deeply that his friend's availability to play almost always takes priority over doing things with me. I know if my husband tells me his friend is going to play, any plans that we had will fall to the wayside. I'd like to reiterate that I have come to him with this exact issue MANY times. Some portions of it have gotten better, like he's stopped wearing over-the-ear headphones while speaking so he can hear me if I have a question for him. Additionally, I have started doing many other hobbies to keep myself busy while he games with his friend.

ANYWAYS... after a very long introduction.... We are now on vacation with my parents (50'sF, 50'sM) visiting my grandpa (95M) my aunt (50'sF) and my uncle (50'sM) for Thanksgiving. He works remote, so he worked from 9-5 while I cooked and prepped all of the Thanksgiving meals, which I love to do. My family loves to spend time joking, drinking, and playing cards together so evenings are a big deal. They're a lot of fun!

During lunch, my husband let me know he would be playing with his friend right after work. I was crestfallen and immediately got annoyed/sad. I had been looking forward to being with everyone while we cooked dinner. But, like I said, I also feel terrible for feeling this way because it's important that he be able to have friends. My family is also not his #1 priority, nor should they be. I think he realized I was feeling this way because he only played one match before coming out and trying to cuddle me. At that point, I was already upset with him because I have communicated with him about this so many times. I couldn't believe I would have to have this conversation again.

Am I crazy for feeling so upset by this? It's become such a giant issue to me that I don't know how to better communicate how I'm feeling to him. How many more times will I have to have this talk?

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TL;DR: Husband (26M) got into a game with his best friend during COVID. Played the game for 5-6 hours per day, loudly. I asked him many times to please tone it down so we could spend time together and I could have space to think without him yelling.

We are on vacation with my parents to visit my family. Husband works 9-5 remotely. During his lunch break he told me he would be playing with his friend, but I greatly value family time and wanted to hang out with him. I got upset. He only played one match before coming out and trying to cuddle/make up but I am upset that he even thought it was a good idea despite having communicated with him about this EXACT issue many times before.

Should I have gotten upset by this? It's become such a giant issue to me that I don't know how to better communicate how I'm feeling to him. How can I help him understand my feelings without blaming the game in particular, even though it only happens with this particular game and friend?

Any advice is appreciated.... Thank you!!

Submitted November 24, 2021 at 04:23PM by bettamommy https://ift.tt/3CVwq5c