I think I want to leave my marriage but don't know if what I'm feeling is real or if I would be making a huge mistake. How can I be sure I'm doing the right thing? If I do decide to leave, what can I do to make it easier on my husband?

TL;DR: I think I want to leave my husband of 26 years but don't know if I'm making a mistake or how to go about doing it.

I (48F) have been married to my husband (54M) for 26 years, together for 28. We have 2 kids (25 and 22). I absolutely adore my kids. They're amazing.

For a few years now, I have felt that I'm not happy in the marriage and would prefer to be on my own. There is no-one else involved and I have no desire to meet anyone new.

I was relatively young when we got married and had our first child. My husband is a nice man and hasn't done anything bad or wrong, but I have felt for years that he's not who I want him to be (not his fault) and he doesn't give me what I feel like I need from a relationship.

I feel he doesn't emotionally support me, doesn't understand me, isn't interested in me, doesn't listen to me, doesn't spend time with me, doesn't have any drive, etc. Everything we do together is instigated, arranged and planned by me - holidays, days out, meeting friends, birthdays, Christmas, etc. He spends most of his spare time on his iPad or computer.

When he talks to me, he talks 'at' me if that makes sense. Just tells me loads of things and talks about things he's interested in rather than asking me any questions about myself or things that interest me. I'm quite a chatty person with my friends and at work, but with him I hardly talk at all because there's no point. He's not horrible, I honestly think he probably thinks we have good conversations together, it's just that he doesn't listen to me and isn't interested in the same things I'm interested in.

I'm not sure if it's the effects of the pandemic, numerous lockdowns and heading towards 50 that is making me question things so seriously. I feel sick at the thought of breaking up our family but also don't want to spend the next 20, 30 or however many years I have left, like this. I'm fairly sure he still loves me and will be devastated, and the thought of hurting him and throwing a grenade into his life at this stage is what's stopping me doing anything. But then what about me and how I feel and what I want from my life?

My kids still live at home (although the older one will moving in with their partner within the next few months). I would be the one who moves out into rented accommodation so he can stay in our home with our youngest. When the youngest leaves, we could sell the house and buy somewhere smaller each.

I have tried so hard for years to change things - from having my own therapy, reading and learning about how to change my reactions to things he does or doesn't do, gain acceptance, live in the moment etc, make suggestions to him about how we could both behave differently, things he could read, couples therapy, etc, but, although his behaviour sometimes changes for a little while, it always goes back to how he was before.

I feel like the relationship is completely one-sided and I'm exhausted. We don't argue (except occasionally) - maybe because neither of us really say what we want to - I know I don't. We both work full time (with very similar salaries) and always have done.

Does anyone have any advice on anything I could try to help us get on track, please? Do you think it's possible to fix this or do I cut my losses? If so, how would I handle a separation? This is mostly with regards to my husband - I think my kids will be fine and, possibly, not particularly surprised. Thank you.

Submitted November 22, 2021 at 07:43AM by Glitteryeyeshadow https://ift.tt/30OzEdg