My husband (27m) and I (27f) live in my husband’s hometown right now. We have lived here our whole marriage of 5 years. There is a high school friend of my husband’s who also lives here and is single. I’ll call her Vicky (29f). She has always just been… around. She comes to random town/school events and is very hard to avoid. She is friends with all of my husband’s extended family.
Regardless of this, I have reached the point where I need to set down a firm boundary with her. There are a LOT of reasons I don’t like Vicky. She has no respect of boundaries. She does not take any sort of hints whatsoever. She overstays her welcome constantly. She makes us feel incredibly guilty if we don’t want to or can’t hang out with her, and she probably calls or texts us at least five times a week to hang out if not more. She has even showed up at our houses unannounced during holidays. She does not respect the fact that we have a toddler and our time needs with that. She texts my husband flirty things sometimes. She and I have absolutely nothing in common and all she does is talk about her life drama and complain. She is dramatic and draining to be around. She will confront me if I don’t text her back or if I don’t answer her calls.
(I know some of these things are common among people on the autism spectrum because my sister and brother are both on the spectrum. I don’t think that’s the case with her, I’m not a doctor, but I just don’t get that feeling whatsoever. However, who knows!)
Because she is always around, and I hate confrontation, I have been pretty passive aggressive with her in the past. I avoid her when I can, lie and make excuses, and most recently just don’t answer her texts or calls. My reasoning for this, and my husband has the same thoughts as I do on the issue, has been that because she is always around and hard to avoid, and friends with lots of family members, that the easiest and least dramatic thing to do would be to just try and fade out of her life in hopes that she will get the hint and leave us alone a little bit more. Well she is not getting any hints. In fact, she is doubling down. I know that there have been many people in her past who have had to completely cut her out of their lives, so I get the feeling that she is scared we are doing the same and is trying to hold onto us for as long as she can.
However, I am no longer going to take responsibility for her happiness. I have too much going on in my own life and I don’t even like her. I am realizing that I need to be the mature one and just be upfront and honest with her. So, I am coming to you to ask for advice on how to word a message letting her know that I no longer want to continue the friendship. I have a really hard time being blunt and straightforward, so anything that I can say to soften the blow would be nice, because I know this will absolutely break this girls heart. But it HAS to be done. I just don’t know where to start or how to word it. Any advice would be helpful! THANKS!
TLDR- Husband’s high school friend is still leeching off him and now me. She has become very toxic. I am passive aggressive normally so I want to be mature, but still cut her off firmly but kindly.
Submitted November 19, 2021 at 10:55PM by juliaakatrinaa0507 https://ift.tt/30LJgGc
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