UPDATE: I (28F) snooped and found out my bf (34M) had a hidden conversation with a friend he had cheated with in a previous relationship. I've brought up insecurities surrounding their history with him several times and it never feels resolved. Bf is frustrated that I snooped...

Original Post

Hi everyone, thanks to all of you who responded to my original post. I received a lot of validation from you all and have lots of points to consider.

I told my bf that I was unhappy with how our argument about what I found on his Signal went. I told him I've been thinking about this issue a lot and have come to feel that this is not just a "me" problem. I finally set the boundary that I should have from the very beginning and told him I'm no longer comfortable with him and K being in contact. I apologized for putting him in an unfair position by failing to set that boundary early on, yet confronting him over and over about it while expecting him to take it upon himself to do what I wanted him to do.

When I asked him to put himself in my shoes, he admitted he could see how it would be concerning to find that your partner was hiding contact with someone they cheated with in a past relationship. He still doesn't quite see that he did anything wrong, though, and I do believe this whole situation could have been avoided if I had trusted in myself and been clear and assertive from the get-go--which is not at all to say that I think this is all my fault.

I'm happy to say, though, that he has agreed to attend couples counseling with me, and I'm hoping we'll be able to come to an understanding about our respective roles in this situation, because we are both at fault here. The fact that he is open to going to therapy with me gives me some hope that this is salvageable.

I know this solution isn't satisfying to those of you who advised I should break up with him. If I were convinced he was cheating, I would be totally on board. I'm not in a place where I feel breaking up is necessary, but O and I will have to do a lot of work for me to regain trust going forward.

Thanks again, everyone!

Tl;dr: We're not breaking up, but we're going to go to couples counseling to hash this (and other issues) out so I can feel comfortable moving forward.

Submitted June 22, 2021 at 08:01PM by GlibbestGlob https://ift.tt/2TWLJtu