My husband of six years [30ish M] is stressing me [30ish F] out because he's frustrated with our kids [2 and 3]

He's a stay at home parent, always has been, and I've been the one who works. Since the lockdown, he's been really on edge with the kids. I think he might be depressed, which he has a history of, but he won't take medication. He tries to do fun projects with them and it often doesn't go well, in my opinion because they're young and they're just at a tantrum-throwing age.

Today he set up a fun, messy project for them on the porch so I could get some work done. I've barely gotten any work done in the last two weeks because he's been ill and overwhelmed, so we both decided that this week I'm really going to just shut myself away and work. We're both concerned that my boss may start to notice I'm not as productive as I have been and since I'm the sole income earner, that's very worrisome.

He asked for help getting the porch project set up. I helped, then I went into the office to work. Two minutes later, he called my phone and asked for more materials for the project. I went out and helped. I went back to work. Another couple of minutes passed, he called and asked help getting the kids back inside because they were both screaming and, as he said, "I don't want to get fucking evicted."

I got them back in the house, calmed them both down (scooped them, rocked them, sang to them, got them a snack and milk, set them down with their favorite toys) while he sat down and looked at his phone.

Once the kids were settled, I snuck back into the office to start working. I knew he was stressed so I texted him.

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Me: I'm sorry [your fun kid project that ended in two tantrums] didn't work but I think you're a really good dad for trying. Toddlers, man.

Him: I fucking hate them both.

Me: Why don't I finish up this little project I'm working on and then take them for a drive? You can have a break.

Him: I have no fucking life. I can't do anything. I don't see my wife, who I live with.

Me: I think everyone feels that way right now. I don't know if that helps or not. I think it might be especially hard today because no one got enough sleep last night. [I was up with our son until 4am and he was having off-and-on weeping tantrums. I think it kept my husband up even though he and our other child were in a different room.]

Him: They're fucking selfish assholes and I'm so tired of seeing their faces. I'm so tired of sitting on my phone and doing fucking nothing.

Me: I'm so sorry, babe. I wish I could do more than just listen.

Him: It's fine. Eventually they'll grow up and leave or I'll finally have a heart attack and be at peace.

Me: Okay. I don't really know what to say to that, I'm sorry.

Him: There is nothing to say. We chose what we chose.

So now I'm in the office again trying to work but of course I can't focus. He has times where he says he regrets having kids, but also he loves them both so, so much. I don't know. I feel so horrible and guilty. We just made a cross-country move to a place where he could be happier and it isn't working. We have no support system here. I don't know what to do.

I'm starting grad school in the fall and I'm so fucking tired. I try to intervene with the kids when he gets overwhelmed but I'm not getting enough work done, and I need to keep this job for very obvious reasons.

What do I do? I just want everyone to be happy.

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TL;DR: My stay-at-home husband is getting really frustrated with the kids since we've been quarantined and it's affecting my job and I don't know what to do.

Submitted August 03, 2020 at 01:47PM by trashpandemic1111 https://ift.tt/33mbI0j