Hey all,
I'm hoping you guys can give me a little bit of advice for my current situation. I will include a background section, main content, and TLDR at the end. I'm going to apologize for the text wall, honestly writing (even though I'm not the greatest) helps clear my thoughts which is one of the driving reasons for the length (sorry).
Background:
Throughout the context, please keep in mind that my ex is the first relationship I've been in. I'm a late bloomer and she was who I lost my virginity to (engineering school was rough). This slightly concerned her because she had the fear of me abandoning her when someone more beautiful and cooler came along.
So I dated my ex for two years, we actually broke up a few days after our 2 year anniversary. During the relationship, honestly I was the happiest I've ever been. Were there stressful moments, yes, but the relationship worked. We didn't fight much and when we did, we worked together to solve the challenge. So when we broke up, it came completely out of the blue. She gave me the reason as being she wanted to find her own independence. She wanted to be able to "stand on her own two feet." To this day, I still don't completely understand that context. I knew she wasn't very happy in a LDR but I thought we made it work. We would see each other every weekend, and we alternate who was driving up/down each week (we were about 1.5 hours away). I'd understand better if she felt like she wanted to move out of her city, but she wanted to stay home with her parents. I understood this as something she needed to do, and it was a journey that she needed to to go on alone.
Background TLDR:
She was my first ex ever. Dated Ex for 2 years. She broke up with me to "find her own independence." LDR may have also played a factor. The break up was not messy.
Content
About 4 months after we broke up, she reached out to call me (we've been in contact throughout the 4 months on a limited basis). She called me to tell me that she had meet up with one of her past ex and went on a couple dates with him. Apparently he had reached out twice while we were dating, but she says she shut him down both time. A month after we had broken up, she reached out to him and went on a couple dates. She told me she didn't sleep with him, but both dates were a few hours out from her home town (LDR). During her dates, she told me she would always compare the ex to me and later realized the relationship wasn't going to work since they always fought. She told me that this relationship lasted for a month before she ended it. She also told me that this was not the main reason for our break up, but it played a small factor. She ends with she'll wait for me to forgive her and still wants to be in my life, "either as a friend or something more," but told me that she'll probably join a dating app so she can begin moving on from me.
I'm so conflicted here. I can see this in two different lights which I'll highlight below:
Highlight 1:
The reason she broke up with me was so she could date this other guy. She mentioned a "what if" thought in her mind. I understand that she's pretty young in her dating life and this was something she wanted to see through. Then when it didn't work, she realized that our relationship wasn't toxic and doesn't want to be alone. This would mean that I'm the back up plan.
Highlight 2
She was feeling lonely and the ex was an easy way to find comfort. After dating him, she matured and realized that the relationship wasn't something she was looking for. After realizing this, she reached back out to me and realized maybe ending our relationship was a mistake.
After our relationship ended, I was in agonizing pain. I think I cried every night for the first week or so, and couldn't stand being alone in a room. It just felt so dark and lonely. There were many very unhealthy nights of binge drinking alone just so I could sleep. I eventually moved on about a month later, went on a few dates, but realized I definitely wasn't ready when I would always compare the date to my ex. Since then, I've been enjoying my time being single and learning new hobbies.
When she reaches back out, I honestly don't know how to feel. I'm both happy, sad, angry, hopeful, and very distraught. I'm happy that she still wants me back, sad that we broke up in the first place, angry that she may have left me for a different guy, and distraught because I honestly don't know how to feel about it. It's a fear of mine that I'm just her plan B, her back up plan until someone better comes along. I'm also hopeful that maybe she matured from this experience and figured out what she wants in life.
Anyways, thanks for reading my rant. Its something I needed to get off my chest and need some advice with.
TLDR:
Ex calls me 4 months after the break up. Says she dated an ex for a month, realized it wasn't for her, wants me back. I'm happy, sad, angry, hopeful, and very distraught. Maybe I'm just her plan B. Maybe she matured and knows what type of relationship she wants.
Submitted August 24, 2020 at 02:29PM by asd13241 https://ift.tt/3j66kCU
No comments:
Post a Comment