I [26F] gave my mom [55F] an ultimatum to change if she wants me in her life. Now I think I don't want her back either way

Long story short, my mother for most of my youth was what you could call emotionally abusive. She regularly used me to vent her anger and frustration, yelled and screamed and insulted me. She also hit me a handful of times.

As I got older she was less directly abusive but very controlling and critical. She is often exhausting to be around and can be rude and entitled. For example when she visited me she would tell me my place is dirty and disgusting or claim I have an alcohol problem because I had 2 empty wine bottles in the kitchen.

Ultimately we had a huge fight a few months ago after which I told her I want no contact for a year and if she ever wants me to talk to her again she should change the way she treats people. She knows exactly what I want her to change as we have argued about it many times.

At first she reacted by just insulting me again and then sending voice messages, postcards etc playing nice, saying sorry etc. Then I saw she posted an image on her facebook page with a quote about how 'sometimes bad things in life have to happen to show you it's time for a change'. Now for a couple of months she has finally stopped contacting me and I have realised how extremely freeing it is. I feel like I had this weight of negativity & constant nagging lifted off me that was there for 26 years. I feel less anxious and stressed and have developed a more chill and positive outlook on life

Now, it's still a few months until my ultimatum 'runs out'. So far I feel like I have zero desire to talk to her again though I don't know if it'll ever come back. It might. My question is, what if after the year runs out I find that whether she has changed or not, I want to stay no contact? Part of me feels like that would be so heartless, because she's been getting more and more lonely and sad in the last years, my father is already dead and she has almost noone else plus she recently lost her job and had cancer a while ago. On the other hand, she kinda treated me like shit for most of my life so I guess I don't owe her anything?

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**tl,dr:** My mother was always emotionally abusive. I cut contact and set her an ultimatum to change her ways in a year if she wants me back in her life. Now I think about what will happen if I find myself unwilling to talk to her even after that year runs out. I feel much better without her influence but also feel kinda guilty. Thoughts?

Submitted August 06, 2019 at 05:12PM by dreacail https://ift.tt/2GS7Yrb