Me (24F) and partner (34M) have been in a relationship for 4 years. I am a university student, last year I quit nursing and transferred courses. I have recently moved out, I am the last sibling to leave home. My mother has recently been saying things to me so I doubt my relationship. This has happened within the space of 2 weeks after moving out:
1- Saying my partner is abusive. We have one account that we put spare money into for savings (as well as each having a personal account). When I say to her “I have access to the cards, I know my pin and I can get at it whenever I want, there is no issue” she will say “you don’t have access to the account”, even though I do, and I have just told her that. Its like talking ot a brick wall, she doesn’t listen to a word I say.
2- Saying my partner wants me to fail university. One time, a few days after moving house, I couldn’t find my rucksack with my uni stuff in it. I phoned her up to see if I had left it at her house. Eventually found it on his side of the wardrobe. She then took that info and twisted it to mean he wants me to fail. But she says it in a way which fucks with my head. But I am 100% certain that he does want me to do well because he helps me out a lot, e.g. help me revise by asking exam questions.
3- Saying he calls me names behind my back. Me and my partner are both devout Christians, he more devout than me. She said that someone told her (wont name who) that my partner called me a “bible-basher”. I don’t believe he said it, she didn’t give any proof.
4- Manipulated me into thinking if he doesn’t pick up the phone after one ring, it means hes cheating on me
And she admits to hating men and treating them like lesser people and letting women get away with normal stuff. Like eating and relaxing after work. She admitted she wouldn't let a man do that cos "how dare they".
After all of that, she came around to me new home. Shouting and screaming, wanting to look at my bank statement. She also blamed him for a mental breakdown I had during nursing (causing me to quit). She was acting crazy. Calling my partner all sorts, making out hes an abuser. when I explained away her “issues”, trying to talk and not argue she didn’t listen and demanded that I go back to hers where I’m “safe”. I told her “no, im done with you”.
It has been 2 months and she has tried to start talking again. Even eliciting the help of my cousin, to convince me to talk to her again. I said Im not talking to her again until she realises what she did was wrong and apologises, her response was “I was wrong?”. She seems to think that she was protecting me and that she was in the right. From the few, brief unsolicited times I have talked to her she has said my partner started the argument. even though she literally said: "Where is he? Isn't he gonna come down here and act like a man?" And he did, and told her to "feck off!" To which she replied, "what you gonna make me?" Clearly trying to start a fight. So in her head he started it.
I received a call from another family member today, asking me to talk to my mum because my mum might hurt herself; she has had depression/suicide attempts in the past. I feel like I am being forced into speaking to her again, because if I don’t she might make another attempt. Which I will get blamed for because my sibling was blamed for the last one
I just want everything to be normal. I want her to stop and just drop it. But I don’t think she ever will.
TLDR;
Mother trying to ruin relationship by manipulating everything I say and my partner does, into something wrong or making it seem as if I'm being manipulated by him and that he doesn't care. All evidence says otherwise and she won't leave it or listen to me. Any helpful information for ideas?
Has anyone dealt with a situation like this? I feel stuck and I don’t know what to do
Submitted November 23, 2021 at 03:27AM by throwawayfake177 https://ift.tt/3xePHNK
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