Husband (34M) comes home without saying hello. Says I (31F) need to change my expectations . How do I do that?

I have been married to my SO for 3 months (we were engaged for 2.5 years and dated for 1 year before that). Before we got married I felt like he always asked me what I was up to and always showed me affection whether physically or through text/call when we are not in the same location. During the first couple of months while he was going to the office, he would call me during lunchtime to see what I was up to. Since the corona outbreak, he’s been at home, only going out to get groceries and such. I found its very normal for him to walk into the garage, drop off the groceries downstairs (we live in an apartment above my MIL and she does the cooking) and then walk back out to finish errands or even to just do something around the yard without coming upstairs to say hi. We had a heated argument about it where he said he feels smothered if every time he comes inside he has to come up and say hi, he knows I’m either working (I WFH) or doing chores and so there is no need. But the way I see it, is that he’s provided me the emotional support that I need when he comes up to say hello, even if it’s just for a minute to ask about me before heading back downstairs. His counter argument is that he just saw me a couple of hours ago, he doesn’t feel the need to check up on me and it’s not something he thinks about. I told him that it’s something that makes me happy and I’m not looking to control or smother him, it’s more for me. It gives me reassurance that he cares and that I’m on his mind and frankly it makes me feel good when he asks about me. He keeps arguing back to his same point that if he were to do that it would make him feel like I was smothering him and controlling him. His solution was that whenever I feel he should come up and say hello the I should ca him. I said I don’t want to become the nagging wife that’s always calling. He said it’s fine to call him as much as I want. But that solution is missing the point of what I am asking from him. He said I should change my expectations and he said he doesn’t want to discuss the topic anymore because it’s too banal to spend energy on. We’re both home but not speaking now. How do I change my expectations to not look for that emotional support from my husband anymore? How should I handle this?

TL;DR husband comes home without saying hello. I would like him to do it because it validates the relationship for me emotionally. He says I should change my expectations because that’s the way he is.

Edit: Thank you all for your responses. I’m really glad I asked for your advice and received it quickly. I do see his point of view now and why he thinks he’s being smothered by me. When he’s working in the office, I don’t have the expectation that he needs to checkin all the time, so why should it be different when he’s home and he knows I’m safe and sound. I’m going to work on not needing that reassurance and if I do, he gave me the green light to call him so he can reassure me as needed without having him change his ways to constantly think whether or not I’m getting the reassurance I need from him. Now I just have to muster up the courage to be the one to break the silence between us so we can go back to being the loving couple that we are.

Submitted April 03, 2020 at 06:34PM by GlitterSphere https://ift.tt/3dPDN2Z