I know the title doesn’t sound great but bear with me, I’m feeling really conflicted and need advice. I hope this makes sense. Obligatory TL;DR at the bottom.
Here we go; my bf (27m) and I (27f) have been together for 3 years, living together for 2. We live a 30 minute drive away from his parents, and 9 hours away from mine who are in a different state. We originally moved in together because he wanted to move closer to his family (his grandfather had passed recently) and I had been accepted into my dream PhD program at a University near his hometown, it made sense. The result is that I see my parents maybe twice a year and we see his family at least once a month, so we agreed, that we would take turns with our families over Christmas (one year with his family, the next with mine etc.)
This year, surprise, is my family’s turn. We had been talking about it for months, planning how we were going to drive to see them for a few days over Christmas and then drive home in time to go back to work. We both usually have 2 weeks scheduled leave over Christmas and for the most part of this year he told me no different. Then suddenly in October he tells me that he hates his job and wants to move to another company. Okay, fine, I want him to be happy at work so I was supportive. He’s really good at what he does so he walked straight into another company, everything was good, but I wanted to confirm if Christmas plans had changed with the new company, he said no so I carried on as normal.
Fast forward to the middle of November, my bf is much happier at work and much happier at home, but he comes home and says he has some bad news. He told me that he has to work over Christmas (only getting the public holidays off) and he says he needs to make a good impression with his new boss and can’t afford to take time off. I mean I was disappointed, but I understood, it happens and you do what you have to do. He also mentioned that he would negotiate time off for ‘the week after Christmas’ so that we could still go and see my parents during the holidays. Totally acceptable, not a problem, my parents understood and said that we’d just have a special family day the week after so that I wouldn’t miss out, since I don’t get to see my extended family any other time. There is also the added emotional dimension of this being the first Christmas without my Grandma who we lost earlier this year, so it’s extra important for that side of the family to all get together during this time. As far as I was aware, we’d made a compromise, and everything was good. Then I asked about the holiday that my bf had scheduled for the end of November, he was meant to be going overseas for a week-long bachelor party with his buddies, which I assumed would also be subject to the “can’t afford to take time off” thing. Nope, he was still going to that, and taking extra days off to “recover” when he got home. Umm… okay. I mean, he’d already paid for his flights and accommodation and everything so it would be a big financial sacrifice not to go and I ended up thinking that was fair enough.
Then, last night, he comes home from work and I’d made a mental note to ask about details for when we’re going to see my parents, I’d been on the phone with Mum earlier in the day and she just wanted to confirm when we were coming. Before I get a chance to do that his phone starts going off and he says, “oh! (Friend)’s looking for ideas for his Bucks’ night”. His friend is getting married in March, I assumed that was when the Bucks’ Night would be, but no my bf tells me it’s going to be in January. His friend lives in the same state as my parents, 9 hours away, so I said that it’d be difficult for my bf to manage going in two days, especially if he’ll be hungover on the Sunday for the drive home and have to work Monday. How does he respond? “I’ll just take the Friday and the Monday off, I’m my own boss now, I can take time off whenever I want” (news to me). So, I ask about when we’re going to see my family for the holidays and he hits me with, “I told you, I have to work, we’ll go when the job’s finished”
“Well, when will the job be finished?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never done one of these projects before”
“You said we were going after Christmas”
“No, I said we were going when the job was finished” (that’s not what he said)
“So, when will the job be finished?”
“I don’t know”
“You’re a smart guy, estimate”
“I dunno, a month, a month and a half”
So here we are, weeks from Christmas and I’ve made no arrangements to travel to see my family because I believed that we were going “the week after Christmas” to see them, when in fact my bf meant that we were going in February when he’s finished this job because he “can’t take time off and has to make a good impression”, but when it’s something that he wants to do like a bachelor party “I’m my own boss, I’ll just take time off”.
I’m aware that I could be letting my emotions about my Grandma get in the way and that’s what’s upsetting me, but I feel like I’ve had the carpet pulled out from under me. Am I overreacting? He said that he would “understand” if I wanted to fly over and spend Christmas with my parents, should that be enough? What do I even do now? Change plans and try and get to my parents for Christmas or wait and try and salvage getting to have holidays with my bf? Please help.
TL;DR My (27f) bf (27m) made plans with me to see my parents for Christmas this year, then suddenly changed them when he got a new job because he wanted to make a good impression and not take time off, but is happy to take time off for two separate bachelor parties while I have to wait a month for us to see my family.
Submitted December 04, 2019 at 09:53PM by Jadzzia https://ift.tt/2PeZqOx
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