I'm unsure how much is reasonable under these circumstances (married 5 years).
To put it in perspective, my husband and I both work from home. He has a good job and is the main breadwinner. I basically work part-time and look after our house, etc.
My husband suffers from depression. At times it can be quite bad for months. He's been on different medications and nothing really "fixes" it....this is just who he is.
When he's in a low period, he finds it very hard to function. He does function, but it takes a lot of energy/focus to get going. He finds it especially hard in the mornings to get going. As it is, he can start work later in the day, but he still requires several hours to get going.
He insists that he NEEDS me in order to get going. I don't mean just waking him up. He needs me to basically sit with him for the entire time until he is finished getting ready. On average this takes 1.5 hours from the time he wakes up. I get him up. I give him his medication. I make him coffee and toast. I start his shower and wait while he showers. He then gets out and grooms (hair, teeth, shaving). I hand him his clothes for the day. He dawdles through the entire process and talks to me and by the time he's finally ready, it's usually about 1.5 hours.
If I leave during any part of this, he will stall. He insists that he needs me there at all times during every part of this or else he can't do it. And in fact there HAVE been times when I have started his shower and gone to do something else and he won't get out of bed until I get back. If I leave after he steps out of the shower he will sit on the bed with a towel and not finish getting ready.
I try to be supportive. But he also often will tell me he NEEDS me with him in order to get started with work. If I don't sit with him until he sits down at his computer and gets started, he just won't start.
So yes, I do try to do what he needs me to do. I figure he's the breadwinner, he works hard and he suffers from depression....I only work part-time so I make this "part of my job" basically. But honestly, I find it a bit difficult because I feel more like a mother to a toddler rather than a partner to an adult man. If it were just now and then, no problem. But it's every day, often for months at a time.
I'm in the thick of it, so I can't really see if this would be deemed "normal" at all. I'm aware that he uses me as a crutch. Is that necessarily bad? I don't really love being viewed as an alarm clock/nurse/mommy. It's pretty unsexy. But I also don't know what to do about it. I've tried talking to him, but he just insists he needs me and begs me to help him and support him this way.
tldr: depressed husband is using me as a nurse/mother figure. Not sure if this is ruining our relationship.
Submitted August 04, 2019 at 10:05PM by fairvanity3 https://ift.tt/2YHfWh4
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