My [21F] boyfriend [21M] is hanging out with a past summer fling late nights in his apartment, and suddenly stopped talking about her, don't know what to do or how to get him to understand why I'm upset.

I apologize for how long this is, but a lot of small things have led me to this point. This is a throwaway account Bc my boyfriend is on reddit.

My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years now and the relationship has been great. We both go to college together but are long distance for the summer Bc he's staying at our university to take a summer class and I went back home for an internship. Right before summer started, he had told me that an old summer fling (I’m going to call her Amy) from last year was coming to our university to take a class there during the summer term as well (not the same class as him).

Now some background on this fling: my boyfriend and Amy had met two summers ago while they were both working at the same internship in a different state where Amy lives. She doesn't go to our specific university, but a sister university. This fling had been before we started dating and he had told me that he hadn’t felt any emotional connection with her it was just a fun summer fling that he had enjoyed with her while in a different state. However he had also told me that she had been irrational with her feelings and told him that she loved him within a month of them sleeping together even though he had been clear with her from the beginning that this was just a short term fling and he hadn't felt anything for her. A lot of times, he had been worried that she was getting too attached during their summer together.

Also, neither me nor my boyfriend are the jealous type and have quite a few friends of the opposite gender. I have never had an issue with him hanging out with girls in the past and I am even mutual friends with some of them.

That's why, when he told me that Amy was going to be there for the summer I wasn’t worried. He had told me that she had messaged him that she was coming and he had told her right away that he had a girlfriend. He said that she responded with a sad face emoji and started telling him about the men she had slept with this past year. He had asked me if I minded if he showed Amy around the university or hung out with her sometimes Bc she didn’t have any friends or a car here. I told him I didn’t mind because I trusted him and didn’t think it would be a problem.

However the very night that Amy landed she texted him and went to his apartment the first night. It was late at night past midnight. My boyfriend told me she was coming over and even FaceTimed me while they were together so I could meet her. They were drinking and he told me they talked all night. Even though he was upfront with me about it it made me uncomfortable that they were in his apartment together late at night drinking, which wasn't something I had initially expected when he said they were going to hang out, but I didn’t say anything because I thought I was just being jealous.

However the next weekend past midnight she texted him again saying she was hungry and asked if he wanted to eat. She didn’t want to eat fast food which was all that was open so he invited her back to his place to make her food and they hung out again in his apartment late into the night. Again he told me about it as it was happening but I was starting to feel really uncomfortable and felt like even though it’s not “cheating” it was kind of disrespectful to our relationship.

I talked to my friends about it who thought it was weird that they hang out at all Bc he had said in the past that there hadn't really been a friendship there, it had just been sex, and my friends encouraged me to talk to him about it.

I talked to him and he didn’t understand why it was wrong or disrespectful, but said he would stop if it was hurting me. He said that he was hanging out with her Bc she was lonely and he felt bad for her. This made me feel guilty and I let him know that I still didn’t really have an issue with him hanging out with her during the day in a more appropriate context and it was the late night in the apartment that I didn’t like. My bf said he respected my concerns and continued to always tell me when they were together and it was only during the day.

However now I’m starting to feel touchy about the subject because I’m worried that Amy is trying to win my boyfriend back because she had been “in love” with him and I remember the irrational feelings my boyfriend had told me about. I know this may sound jealous, but personally, if I had been in love with someone in the past and they had a girlfriend now, I wouldn't feel okay about spending late nights with them unless I had an ulterior motive.

A week after my talk with my bf he texted me and asked if I wanted to visit this tourist attraction with him and Amy when I visited him for the weekend. I told him he could go with her but I didn't want to. Because I'm also touchy about the subject now, I think I sounded annoyed and told him I didn’t want to share the weekend with her when I barely got to see him but clearly that wasn’t the case for him. He couldn’t understand why I was upset Bc he had “been upfront about every time he hung out with her” and the fight ended with him just not going to the place with her.

However, ever since he has not mentioned her at all and I find it hard to believe they suddenly stopped hanging out. I don't want to cause another fight or have him think I'm a crazy jealous girlfriend so I haven't asked about it. I just decided to trust him because I have no reason not to, and try to forget about it.

However, when I came to visit him this weekend, he was on snapchat and I noticed that he had a streak with Amy. Normally, this wouldn't be weird, but my boyfriend doesn't really have streaks with other people. In fact, other than me, she is his only other streak. Even he and I only have streaks when we are long distance because we snap each other a lot. So now I'm wondering if they have a streak because they are snapping a lot as well.

I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to fight considering he had made this weekend so romantic and showered me with love and attention. However I am at my wits end. Am I crazy, or is this relationship inappropriate? How do I get him to understand? I feel like I messed up because at least before, he had been telling me about her, and I don’t want to keep sounding jealous. On top of everything, I like this situation even less because I definitely don't trust her intentions.

I know once the summer ends she will go back to another state so the problem will end, but is this a red flag for the future of our relationship?

In all other ways he is the perfect bf so I don’t know what to do.

TL;DR: boyfriend has been hanging out with past summer fling late at night in his apartment, and can’t understand why it upsets me. He stopped telling me about his interactions with her after we fought about it and now idk what to do.

Submitted August 04, 2019 at 08:45PM by stuckinahardplace19 https://ift.tt/2Kpblqv