I (25f) can't stand my boyfriend's (26m) friend (27f) and have to hang out with her - what should I do?

I’ve (25) been dating my boyfriend, N (26), since April. We have a really nice relationship. We’re very respectful of one another and can balance time between ourselves and others well. I don’t have a lot of complaints and I love him very much.

N has lots of friends (I do too). I really like his friends and he seems to like mine—we’ve been able to incorporate each other into our respective groups pretty much seamlessly. That being said, N has a friend, S (27), who I really don’t like.

Before I met S in June, N prepped me on her and their history. He’s been upfront about everything. I’m not an unusually jealous person, but admittedly that probably set S up in a different way for me.

S and I have clashing personalities—I’m very laidback and quiet, she’s a ball of energy who says whatever she thinks in the moment. N and S have been friends for years, originally because S was hitting on N. N wasn’t interested in her and nothing ever happened between them, but 10 years later their friendship has evolved into a real friendship and S has been in a relationship with another person (R) for three years now.

I don’t like S because she has a habit of only speaking to my boyfriend and not to me. She can also be a little overtly touchy with him, constantly grabbing onto his shoulder, putting her head on him, etc. I’m not jealous, per say—just annoyed. More criminally, I’ve now hung out with S various times, and each time she says or does something that really sets me off.

Over the past couple of months I’ve really tried to sympathize with S since she’s important to N. I’ve invited her to spin class (she’s always posting IG stories at the gym) and even got her a job interview at my friend’s photography company (she’s a photographer and the position paid well). She ghosted me to spin class and also ghosted the job interview, even though she said she really wanted both. I’m at the point where I’m done trying.

S’s presence in my life has become very unwelcoming. It’s been months and she still won’t look me in the eye; she constantly talks about her politics (we have . . . er, different opinions, to put it mildly); and she occasionally makes snide comments about my boyfriend and his family, saying things like “N’s parents think of me as their daughter-in-law, you know.” Meanwhile, she can be demanding on N; on Halloween (the day they met), she picked a huge fight with him because he hung out with me and not her and it ruined our whole night.

N is in a band, and S always goes to his shows. Since I go too, and it’s a public space, we see each other quite a bit, but each time I see her it’s becoming more and more of a problem. I quite simply can’t stand being around her but I don’t want to cause problems for N.

I’ve brought a few of these points up to N and he understands them, but he’s not sure what to do, either. I don’t want N and S to stop being friends, he says she’s been there for him over the years and I appreciate and value that friendship. I can definitely skip out on their friendship dinners and get-togethers, but this Saturday, for example, he’s playing an hour-and-a-half long show and we’ll both be in attendance, so that’s an hour and a half of S (at least) and I don’t know if I can handle it. Not going to the show isn’t an option; I want to support my boyfriend and already bought a ticket, but now that S is going I’m having second thoughts. I tried inviting some of my friends out but no one is available yet.

So, since Saturday is imminent, and this girl is going to be part of my life as long as N is in it, please be blunt . . . Reddit, what do you advise I do?

Thank you!

tl;dr: I can't stand my boyfriend's friend and have to hang out with her on Saturday, what should I do?

Submitted January 03, 2019 at 09:01AM by marshmally http://bit.ly/2VujrCX