I (24F) just found out via DNA test that my sister (21F) is only a half sister. How do I approach my mother (F40s) about this? All I want is the truth.

Thanks in advance for the advice. I am staying with my mother until the 6th so I have to talk to her soon. I will hopefully get this sorted out before I leave. Also sorry for the novel, it's been quite the situation.

Background: My parents met in college, got pregnant, had me, got married shortly after, then had my sister (we'll call her L) 3 years later. They then got divorced when I was about 6. My dad then got remarried to a woman he got pregnant. He and my stepmother have two girls now, both a good deal younger than L and I. My father gradually left our lives after making it clear that he had no intention of taking care of us throughout our adolescence and teen years. L and I don't have a good relationship with him and have come to terms with only having our mom around.

Our mother is a bit nuts and acts like a teenager due to various amounts of trauma growing up and with having a kid so young. I did a lot of the caring for of L when we were growing up and it was difficult but we managed. I don't really have hard feelings towards my mom for the way she behaves, but it's difficult being around her. Despite all that, L and I turned out pretty ok and I know she sacrificed a lot for us due to our father being a POS.

I am currently getting my master's degree in a state quite far from my mother and sister. I am home for the holidays.

The Situation: I got one of those commercial DNA tests done last summer right before moving because I was curious about my heritage since my family doesn't know much about theirs except that we're broadly European. It has been mentioned on my mom's side that we're french, German, British maybe. On my dad's side we have always thought Italian, Dutch, Polish. My DNA test came back as 52% Balkan Greek, something that was never mentioned by anyone in the family. When I got the results I asked my mom and she brushed it off saying it must be on my paternal grandfather's side or maternal grandfather's side because we aren't very close with either of them. I can for sure say that is not true because we know my paternal grandfather has a Dutch last name and my maternal grandfather has a German last name. Also, neither of my parents 'look Greek'. Either of them would have to be VERY Greek for me to be 52%. I told her I don't think so but she blew it off again. I also discovered through my DNA report that I have a first cousin that I don't know about. I have been in touch with this cousin and her mother is 100% Greek as far as they know. I asked my mother and she says she doesn't know said cousin.

L and I started talking and she decided to take a DNA test as well. We got the results back just a bit after midnight on New Years and we are in fact only half sisters. She is also only 5% Greek, but is many of the things we thought on either side of the family. She is also the spitting image of our father and I look much more like my mother, so we knew she had to be our father's bio child and that I must have a different biological father.

L and I have many theories about what went on. We've talked about it a great deal but we are pretty sure our father still thinks I'm his child otherwise we're pretty sure he would have brought it up in the divorce. He also treats us both pretty badly so there's no favoritism to indicate anything. There could be other circumstances, however, I wouldn't be 100% surprised if my mom cheated on my dad. She also lived in California away from my father when she found out she was pregnant and stayed there until shortly before she gave birth.

I want to approach my mother and ask her who my father is and what is going on but I don't know how or what to say. I don't want her to feel judged or attacked, I don't know the circumstances and I don't want to draw conclusions. Also, she's done her best taking care of us and even if she did pass me off as another man's child I really don't blame her because I knew she did what she thought was best. I also think I want to find my biological father if possible. I have a lead with the cousin if my mom does end up flat-out lying to me, but I'd rather not have to entirely rely on that lead. Also, I don't want to be a family-wrecker. I'm also slightly scared that my bio dad is going to be just as shitty as my supposed father, but I guess I'm prepared that that could be the reality of the situation. I'm kind of overwhelmed and a bit lost so any advice is very much appreciated. I really just want the truth.

Thanks,

A

TL;DR: Parents had two children (my sister and I) together then got divorced. I took a DNA test which had surprising results for ancestry, which prompted my sister taking one too. It has been confirmed that we are half sisters only. How do I approach my mother about this?

Submitted January 02, 2019 at 06:07PM by Moxietheboyscout http://bit.ly/2F6uH3q